Two turtles go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer. After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but realize they've forgotten a bottle opener. The first turtle turns to the second and says, "You've gotta go back and get the opener or else we have no beer."

"No way," says the second. "By the time I get back, you will have eaten all the food."

"I promise I won't," says the turtle. "Just hurry!"

Nine full days pass and there's still no sign of the second turtle. Exasperated and starving, the first turtle digs into the sandwiches. Suddenly, the second turtle pops out from behind a bush and yells, "I knew it! I'm not f-cking going!"

 

 

 

LMFAO!! Good one!!

 

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her,

 

lol at the parrot!

 

lol

 

hahaha.

 

parrot jokes FTW

 

A parrot used to curse all the time. The owner told it if it didn't stop curseing he'd stick it in the freezer. It cursed again so he stuck it in the freezer. While in there he saw a frozen chicken and said, "Hey buddy, how long you been in here?"