The War Goes On... Class Assignment
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Joined: Jul 2004
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From: Nuke this place, FL
The War Goes On... Class Assignment
Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women
Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from
the University of Colorado for an actual class
assignment:
The professor told his class one day: "Today we will
experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
The process is simple. Each person will pair off with
the person sitting to his or her immediate right.
As homework tonight, one of you will write the first
paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your
partner that paragraph and send another copy to me.
The partner will read the first paragraph and then add
another paragraph to the story and send it back, also
sending another copy to me. The first person will then
add a third paragraph, and so on, back-and-forth.
Remember to re-read what has been written each time
in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be
absolutely NO talking outside of these emails and
anything you wish to say must be written in the
e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion
has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of his
English students, Rebecca and Gary:
THE STORY
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea
she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her
favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her
too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at
all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness
was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much
her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was
out of the question.
(next paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of
the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had
more important things to think about than the neuroses
of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "
A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his
transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established.
No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could
sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere
and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The
jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his
seat and across the cockpit.
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but
not before he felt one last pang of regret for
psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had
feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of
Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing
War and Space Travel", Laurie read in her newspaper
one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and
bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and
carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to
distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all
the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose
one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
wistfully.
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds
to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the
Anudrian mothership launched the first of its lithium
fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who
pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty
through the congress had left Earth a defenseless
target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours
after the passage of the treaty the Anudrian ships
were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to
pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them;
they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The
lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere
unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile
submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the
coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive
explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
literature. My writing partner is a violent,
chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centred
tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have
chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air
headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele
novels!"
(Rebecca)
As*hole!
(Gary)
B*tch!
(Rebecca)
F**K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!
(Gary)
In your dreams, Ho! Go drink some tea.
(English Professor
A+ - I really liked this one!
Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from
the University of Colorado for an actual class
assignment:
The professor told his class one day: "Today we will
experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
The process is simple. Each person will pair off with
the person sitting to his or her immediate right.
As homework tonight, one of you will write the first
paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your
partner that paragraph and send another copy to me.
The partner will read the first paragraph and then add
another paragraph to the story and send it back, also
sending another copy to me. The first person will then
add a third paragraph, and so on, back-and-forth.
Remember to re-read what has been written each time
in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be
absolutely NO talking outside of these emails and
anything you wish to say must be written in the
e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion
has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of his
English students, Rebecca and Gary:
THE STORY
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea
she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her
favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her
too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at
all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness
was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much
her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was
out of the question.
(next paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of
the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had
more important things to think about than the neuroses
of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "
A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his
transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established.
No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could
sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere
and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The
jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his
seat and across the cockpit.
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but
not before he felt one last pang of regret for
psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had
feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of
Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing
War and Space Travel", Laurie read in her newspaper
one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and
bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and
carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to
distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all
the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose
one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
wistfully.
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds
to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the
Anudrian mothership launched the first of its lithium
fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who
pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty
through the congress had left Earth a defenseless
target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours
after the passage of the treaty the Anudrian ships
were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to
pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them;
they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The
lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere
unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile
submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the
coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive
explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
literature. My writing partner is a violent,
chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centred
tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have
chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air
headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele
novels!"
(Rebecca)
As*hole!
(Gary)
B*tch!
(Rebecca)
F**K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!
(Gary)
In your dreams, Ho! Go drink some tea.
(English Professor
A+ - I really liked this one!
