wow..... great way to start off the new year....:(
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wow..... great way to start off the new year....:(
Several of my pals and I decided to make the hour long trek from my small hobum, country, town, to the Peach State's capital to take part in the exciting activities that January 1st brings. We arrive at a friends house, who lives in Atlanta. We quickly load the car up again to make the two minute trip to the convenient store, which was conveniently, two minutes away, to purchase the evening's beverages. An 18 pack of natty, we decided.
Upon arriving back at the house, a few new females had shown up, that had not been there upon our first arrival. We all meet and greet, exchange names, as any well mannered individual would do. I make my way through the four ladies, who we'll call Sarah, Katie, and Jennifer. I get to the fourth, "Josh", I say. She responds, "Nicole".
I was taken back by the sheer beauty Nicole bared. About 5'2", 200 pounds. Somewhat of a hybrid between a goblin, Billy Bob from Varsity Blues (see pic 1) and Kevin James (see pic 2).
Pic 1
Pic 2
I immediately sit down and eat my Chick Fil A, which I had been craving for about half an hour at this point, and pop open a beer. Of course, Billy Bob James decides to take a seat next to me at the table. Just staring at me. Of course I wasn't looking at her, so I could be mistaken. She very well could have been eyeing my 8 piece nuggets and waffle fry, for all I know. She starts making comments about my polynesian sauce, and how the fries are pretty good when dipped in it. I wasn't sure but at this point I thought she may have been lowering my shield positioning herself for an attack at my nuggets. I was on to her tricks.
About 2-3 hours of heavy drinking go by, and we decide to make our way to the marta station to take the train down to Underground Atlanta. I'm chugging beers in the streets of Atlanta, I'm shotgunning Bud Lights in complete strangers' apartments, I'm taking swigs of a friends champagne on the marta bus, hoping not to get caught, careful in my techniques.
We finally get off the train, hurry our way through crowds hundreds deep, all for a glimpse of the glorious peach drop. I make sure to separate myself from Slobzilla, in hopes that I wouldn't have to share a midnight kiss with the beast that was.
10, 9, 8, 7, 6.... getting close to 09...
5...4...3...2...1.... It's 2009! Mass celebration in the streets of Atlanta! In the midst of my drunken state, I'm high fiving complete strangers, hugging small Asian girls that wore the LSU gear proudly after a dominating performance of Atlanta's own Georgia Tech. I'm having a great time.
We make our way back to another friend's apartment. Getting drunker all the while... the three beers I had stuffed in pockets for the trip on the train, long gone.
In my obliteration, I am approached by the SlobGoblin. Before I even realize what's happening, we're making out.
How did this happen?
How did I do such a good job of avoiding this death sentence all night, only to lose it 3 hours into 2009?
Her lips tasted something of a cross between puke and coconut rum, perhaps it was my puke.
We find ourselves sitting in a secluded corner for about an hour, talking about how we wanted to **** each other, and that our other two friends, better try and scream louder than she would.
We get a ride back to the house and within minutes, I find myself completely naked on the futon, with 200 lbs of raw gut riding my pen15.
I am completely repulsed, but I am chugging away. Who was I to turn down such an easy **** when it had been such a drought for me lately?
I'm sure ****ing her would have been a lot easier if her meaty inner thighs weren't clamping her Subway of a vagina shut. I could barely find her entry point. There, I say, I found it. The moaning and screaming starts. Was she overdramatizing? Could I really be this good while being this blitzed? I worried that the neighbors may believe a murder was taking place.
She asks if I want to eat her out or is that "not my thing"?... I look at her and shake my head, "No, Beefcakes, that's um... not my thing".
I tell her to finish me off with her mouth, because I honestly felt bad for my penis and the strain that was being put on it by the constant plugging away at the meat curtains she had hanging so quaintly. She goes to town while going down. She gives head like a champ, which one could not guess by her skills at ****ing. I let her know that "I'M GONNA EJACULATE!", and she just keeps going. It's over. I blew my load. But what's this? She's still smoking my tube steak. She cleans up every single bit of cum with her garbage disposal of a mouth.
I was impressed.
I tell her, at this point around 6 AM, that I am going to go downstairs and go to sleep. She begs me to come back up in the morning for another round. In my mind I'm saying hell no, but I tell her, "see ya tomorrow morning".
I wake up around 10, completely sober, completely disgusted, yet mildly satisfied as I thought how great of a thread this would be on the Misc.
I think to myself, no way am I going back up there.... 5 minutes later, shes going to town on me again. Once again, impressively, she slurps up all of my man yogurt. What inside of me told me it would be a good idea to go back for another round? I was ashamed of myself, and my dick is still in pain.
I tell her I'll be back in another couple hours... I quickly run downstairs, put my clothes on, and send a text message to my friend to come get me...
"Abort Abort. All systems are fail. I repeat, all systems are fail. Need back up immediately."
She responds "on my way".
I go outside, without saying bye to a single person in the house, wait for her to pick me up, still in a state of utter disbelief, and then make my way back to my hometown.
I have not showered, I have not brushed my teeth, and I am still absolutely disgusted by my actions, and overall failure to man the fukking harpoons.
Cliffs:
Got drunk on new years
met a whale
avoided her all night
****ed her... twice.
dipped out undetected and rode off into the sunset
Upon arriving back at the house, a few new females had shown up, that had not been there upon our first arrival. We all meet and greet, exchange names, as any well mannered individual would do. I make my way through the four ladies, who we'll call Sarah, Katie, and Jennifer. I get to the fourth, "Josh", I say. She responds, "Nicole".
I was taken back by the sheer beauty Nicole bared. About 5'2", 200 pounds. Somewhat of a hybrid between a goblin, Billy Bob from Varsity Blues (see pic 1) and Kevin James (see pic 2).
Pic 1
Pic 2
I immediately sit down and eat my Chick Fil A, which I had been craving for about half an hour at this point, and pop open a beer. Of course, Billy Bob James decides to take a seat next to me at the table. Just staring at me. Of course I wasn't looking at her, so I could be mistaken. She very well could have been eyeing my 8 piece nuggets and waffle fry, for all I know. She starts making comments about my polynesian sauce, and how the fries are pretty good when dipped in it. I wasn't sure but at this point I thought she may have been lowering my shield positioning herself for an attack at my nuggets. I was on to her tricks.
About 2-3 hours of heavy drinking go by, and we decide to make our way to the marta station to take the train down to Underground Atlanta. I'm chugging beers in the streets of Atlanta, I'm shotgunning Bud Lights in complete strangers' apartments, I'm taking swigs of a friends champagne on the marta bus, hoping not to get caught, careful in my techniques.
We finally get off the train, hurry our way through crowds hundreds deep, all for a glimpse of the glorious peach drop. I make sure to separate myself from Slobzilla, in hopes that I wouldn't have to share a midnight kiss with the beast that was.
10, 9, 8, 7, 6.... getting close to 09...
5...4...3...2...1.... It's 2009! Mass celebration in the streets of Atlanta! In the midst of my drunken state, I'm high fiving complete strangers, hugging small Asian girls that wore the LSU gear proudly after a dominating performance of Atlanta's own Georgia Tech. I'm having a great time.
We make our way back to another friend's apartment. Getting drunker all the while... the three beers I had stuffed in pockets for the trip on the train, long gone.
In my obliteration, I am approached by the SlobGoblin. Before I even realize what's happening, we're making out.
How did this happen?
How did I do such a good job of avoiding this death sentence all night, only to lose it 3 hours into 2009?
Her lips tasted something of a cross between puke and coconut rum, perhaps it was my puke.
We find ourselves sitting in a secluded corner for about an hour, talking about how we wanted to **** each other, and that our other two friends, better try and scream louder than she would.
We get a ride back to the house and within minutes, I find myself completely naked on the futon, with 200 lbs of raw gut riding my pen15.
I am completely repulsed, but I am chugging away. Who was I to turn down such an easy **** when it had been such a drought for me lately?
I'm sure ****ing her would have been a lot easier if her meaty inner thighs weren't clamping her Subway of a vagina shut. I could barely find her entry point. There, I say, I found it. The moaning and screaming starts. Was she overdramatizing? Could I really be this good while being this blitzed? I worried that the neighbors may believe a murder was taking place.
She asks if I want to eat her out or is that "not my thing"?... I look at her and shake my head, "No, Beefcakes, that's um... not my thing".
I tell her to finish me off with her mouth, because I honestly felt bad for my penis and the strain that was being put on it by the constant plugging away at the meat curtains she had hanging so quaintly. She goes to town while going down. She gives head like a champ, which one could not guess by her skills at ****ing. I let her know that "I'M GONNA EJACULATE!", and she just keeps going. It's over. I blew my load. But what's this? She's still smoking my tube steak. She cleans up every single bit of cum with her garbage disposal of a mouth.
I was impressed.
I tell her, at this point around 6 AM, that I am going to go downstairs and go to sleep. She begs me to come back up in the morning for another round. In my mind I'm saying hell no, but I tell her, "see ya tomorrow morning".
I wake up around 10, completely sober, completely disgusted, yet mildly satisfied as I thought how great of a thread this would be on the Misc.
I think to myself, no way am I going back up there.... 5 minutes later, shes going to town on me again. Once again, impressively, she slurps up all of my man yogurt. What inside of me told me it would be a good idea to go back for another round? I was ashamed of myself, and my dick is still in pain.
I tell her I'll be back in another couple hours... I quickly run downstairs, put my clothes on, and send a text message to my friend to come get me...
"Abort Abort. All systems are fail. I repeat, all systems are fail. Need back up immediately."
She responds "on my way".
I go outside, without saying bye to a single person in the house, wait for her to pick me up, still in a state of utter disbelief, and then make my way back to my hometown.
I have not showered, I have not brushed my teeth, and I am still absolutely disgusted by my actions, and overall failure to man the fukking harpoons.
Cliffs:
Got drunk on new years
met a whale
avoided her all night
****ed her... twice.
dipped out undetected and rode off into the sunset
that's too funny.
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