In my experience, there are set groups of people. those who are well liked, those who seem very lucky, those who are messed up to people and still get all the rewards, and the exact opposite of all the above. running theories are levels of self esteem are communicated silently and people react accordingly. or something about the way you look or the sound of your voice hits a chord with others.

ie: a friend of mine is a good guy, smart, kind, etc. but people walk all over him and treat him badly. it seems to happen over and over again. another friend is total dick, cares very little, completely messed up, but he gets lucky breaks on everything. and it seems to repeat with him.

I guess the question is do you agree that these sects exist and do you believe that you can change the group that you belong to? if so, HOW?

 

make your own group.

 

I think it's possible to change the group you're in, but some people may not want to. I'm thinking of someone in my life who treats people and their belongings with little respect. She is quite self-centred. The vast majority of her actions and decisions are based on whether it will benefit her personally, not considering the feelings of others. For the most part, she gets what she wants, so there's no motivation for her to change.

I think people who are kind and yet are walked all over can move out of that group. Often people like that subtly give the message to people that they can be walked all over - because they aren't assertive and don't set boundaries, etc. People need to first believe that they don't deserve to be treated poorly and that's very difficult for some people.

 

Like shareall said, assertiveness is key. Take a class on assertive living, or read a book on it. No one should be pushed around all the time, because compromise isn't an every day affair. Who else do you live for, besides your offspring or significant other? You have to stand up for yourself, and who cares if you step on some toes?

 

I think what you're seeing is the fruit of their actions... shrewd people tend to have more "luck" as you see it... those who are too nice (often due to lack of self worth) are picked out by users, and abused.

 

i've been a kind guy and i've been a jerk. kind people usually go by the rules so it's hard to get things. jerks how ever do anything they can to get what they want. so this is why nice guys finish last.

as for the groups thing. sure it can change personality. but if its nice guy its only because they are comfortable with those people. jerks are either cool with each other or enemies. people are what they are. time changes that eventually.