I live in the Land of the Mullet. This is a place where "Rockford Files" Camaro / Firebirds and everybody's favorite the 5.0 GT rule the land. Only the balding middle aged, "Hey little girl, what a piece of candy" Nobel Men drive Corvettes. There isn't very much rice, but there is every type of modded Caviler, Neon, and Sunbird. For the purposes of this story we will call these cars "Long Grain Rice". You think a Civic with a wing and a fart can looks good. You "ain't seen nothing" until you seen one of these American gems with flames on the sides, a 3 foot wing, and a grapefruit holder for a muffler. There's nothing like an American econo-box with Japanese stickers, and the every popular speed enhancing yellow tape. I've seen 3 S2000s since owing my car and as we make eye contact there is an unspoken look of "WTF are we doing here".

I've had the car for a week and a 1/2, and during the break in period, every type of Car / SUV / Mini Van has tried to race me from a stop.
Christ, even the a City Water Truck has made a run at me.

During this time I have watched and smelled as these Mulletpewsions have pulled away with exhaust and tire smoke being left for all. With great restraint I have avoided the temptations to defend myself. Ok there's really is no need to defend or prove anything, and I don't make it a habit of street racing, but this was getting old fast.

SO...

Last night on my way to dinner I was sitting at a light when from behind I noticed a blue vehicle with not one, but two white stripes from stem to stern. "Could this be a Viper", I thought, "Maybe an old Mustang GT 350 circa 1960's" NO this was your garden variety "Long Grain Rice" Neon R/T. Not giving it much thought the light turned green and the SOB took off like a "whore trying to get away form church". Here it comes again, the smell of tires and too rich exhaust from the muffler. This was it, I had taken all I could handle, my time had come. I let loose with a good launch, by this time he was 2 lengths on me, and I was immediately even with him. I started to pull away from him as he is shifting into second, I hear the sounds of tires squealing over my left shoulder. By the time I was at 90 mph there was nothing but two headlight dots in the rear view mirror. When we get to the next light, the SOB does it again. I let it go this time as the better part of discretion had come back to me.

It days like yesterday that make me yearn to get back to Texas. See y'all there next March.

 

I would suggest that a tire-smoking launch is the only way to leave a light in a Neon without getting passed by whatever is in the next lane. Hey, at least you bring inspiration to a land in need.

Why do people in four cylinders insist on fart can mufflers? Like I am impressed when you mount your muffler in a position where it is worthless? Uh, hello? They call them mufflers. Put them up under the car, where we cannot hear them. The sound coming out of the pipe should sound good, like a pipe organ, not like open headers on an air compressor! GReddy makes good exhausts that sound good as well as perform. Their systems are pretty cheap, about $100 more than a fartcan muffler alone. Why do all these kids prefer noise tickets over performance and nice tone? Is it just ignorance? Or is that the most expensive mod they can afford after payments, insurance, rent, utilities, beer, kid(s), weed, what-not? Maybe we should start a good-will fund, Exhausts For Rice, where we buy performance exhaust systems for the most offensive fart can drivers in town? Not only will we clean up the audio environment, we will be giving kids hope in a land of rice! Guys at like, corvetteforums.com and LS1.com can donate money, and we can see that it goes to improving the performance and property values of the neighborhood.

Sorry, cars with hopped up exhausts go ripping by my house all day, every day. I find it flattering, but sometimes I am tempted to just rev on every one that comes by, just for fun.

 

amen