ok...more of a pun:

Kid asks mom, "Why do we sing about Andy in church all the time?"
Mom replies, "I don't recall ever singing about any Andy."
Kid goes, "You know, Mom. 'Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me..."

My dirty puns are funnier but inappropriate for this board.

 

^^^ that one reminds me of Round John Virgin.

 

Jonathan: "To avoid gender reference, you can write s/he."

Tara: "And if you add the neuter pronoun, you get a funny sort of word

 

To some - marriage is a word ... to others - a sentence.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat says to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you.

 

At the end of a victory party for the national cycling team in the Spanish Pyrenees, the team members were getting up to leave. The host said with a smile, "Don't put all of your Basques into one exit".

A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar.

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

 

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. The job was only so-so anyhow.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting.
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't note worthy.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.
Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried, but I just didn't fit in.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.
After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it.

 

What happened when the Stewardess backed into the propeller? Disaster.

 

My cousin was unsure of a career path after high school. He finally settled on a job on an offshore fishing boat. He started as a bosuns mate but within a month he was a master baiter.

 

These are fun.

 

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia