Conservative vs. liberal



The division of the human family into distinct branches occurred some
10,000 years ago, when humans coexisted as members of small bands of
nomadic hunter/gathers. In the pivotal event of societal evolution,
beer was invented. This epochal innovation was both the foundation of
modern civilization and the occasion of the great bifurcation of
humanity into it's two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the
beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can
had yet been invented, so it was necessary to stick pretty close to
the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night while
they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative
movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting,
learned how to live off conservatives by showing up for the BBQs
every night and doing women's work like sewing, fetching and hair
dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement. Later, some
of the liberals actually became women.

Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, invention of
group therapy and democratic voting to see how to divide the beer and
meat that the conservatives provided. Women were not interested in
democracy at that time because most of them were still women back
then, and the conservatives fed them. Conservatives are symbolized by
the largest, most powerful land animal on earth. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass.

Modern Liberals like imported beer (they add lime), but most prefer
white wine or foreign water in a bottle. They eat raw fish but like
their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are on liberal
menus. Their women have more testosterone than the men. Most social
workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, and group therapists
are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule in baseball
because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat, and still
provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo
cowboys, lumber jacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally
anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who
own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals do not produce anything. They like to "govern" the producers
and decide what is to be done with the production. Liberals believe
Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
liberals just stayed in Europe when conservatives were coming to
America. The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full-bore
Conservative. A hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting Texas was
attempting to find the owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one
of the ranch hands, and inquired, "Pardon me, but could you perhaps
tell me where I might locate your master?" To which the cowboy
replied,

"THAT SUMBITCH AIN'T BEEN BORN YET!"


_

 

Thanks for providing that well-timed history lesson. Now, I hope you're wearing your flak jacket

 

Shouldn't you be driving a Camaro instead of a 996TT?

It's the "domestic beer" of cars.

Excuse me while I go enjoy some sushi for lunch.

 

Apparently the conservatives drink too much domestic beer and begin to hallucinate.

 

[QUOTE=lig,Oct 8 2004, 12:31 PM]Shouldn't you be driving a Camaro instead of a 996TT?

It's the "domestic beer" of cars.

 

You're not passing the Conservative litmus test.

That thang got a Hemi?!?

 

Dr. T

Do they put this on their meat?

http://www.wketchup.com/

 

Best ketchup I've ever had.

 

Hey T, that was awesome; made me laugh!