Did you hear about the woman who tried to make a career out of being a gold digger?

It didn’t really pan out.

 

Did you hear about the man who got a job as a human cannonball?

He was so excited he went ballistic.

 

A church puts an ad in the newspaper for a person to ring the bell in the belfry on Sunday mornings. No one applies for the position except for a young man with no arms.
The church administrator isn’t sure he can handle the job, but the man climbs the tower and rings the bell using just his head.
On his first Sunday on the job, the man gets a little too excited and hits the bell a little too hard with his head. He falls from the belfry and lands on the church steps.
Two parishioners late for services rush past him.
“Who was that guy?” the wife asks her husband as they enter the church.
“I’m not sure,” the husband replies, “but his face does ring a bell."

 

His face does ring a bell. OMG

 

That is just sick!!


but good.

 

A frantic father calls the family doctor on the phone. “Doc, you’ve got to come quick! My three-year-old son just swallowed all of my golf tees.”
“All right, stay calm,” the doctor tells the father. “I’ll be over in ten minutes.”
“What should I do in the meantime?” the father asks.
The doctor answers, “I guess you could practice your putting.”

 

A group of chess enthusiasts check into a hotel and are standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager comes out of the office and asks them to disperse.
“But why?” they ask, as they move off.
“Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

 

The hardest part about water polo is keeping the horse from drowning.

 

Strip poker is the only game where the more you lose, the more you have to show for it.