When my grandfather passed away (my father's father) at a very young age, my grandmother chose to wear black every day for the rest of her life (for almost 70 years of her 94 year life). Italians took it to the extreme in the old days, they could never understand the celebration of life. I really hated that part of being Italian.

 

Well at least she didn’t have to pick out what color outfit to wear everyday.

 

That is weird. We were emotional when our 17 year old poodle died but were more emotional when our parents died. After all they brought us into this world and cared for us until they passed. No animal could ever replace them.

 

Well, how one grieves is a highly individual matter. Not subject to criticism IMO.

 

I am feeling some grief (distress) over a former bf of mine who has suffered two life threatening issues in the past three months. We were close for a few years, so I am very sad about it. He was very active, on the tennis team at Ohio State and played competitively for a long time. Although grief is commonly associated with death, it is not a requirement.

 

Not everyone (myself included) can say that all our emotional needs were met by our home environment. I still grieve for my pets who were nonjudgmental and asked nothing of me but kindness. It is not weird to grieve for our beloved pets as they replaced some of the family members in my life who were not as loving and kind. You have no idea how much they meant to me and years later I grieve their passing.

 

I think when it comes to the death of parents, we may be more likely to build up an emotional wall to block out the pain.
I think we just let our grief happen with pets.

Another element to dealing with a parent's passing is the condition of the parent.
I know when my mom passed she had been physically declining for a very long time.
So although still mentally acute, she was unhappy and mentally tired. She was existing but not really living.
Patty if I recall your Dad had Alzheimer's. Death, then, is simply the final page of the long goodbye.
The grieving has been stretched out over a long time and death is simply relief.

 

That's for sure - a black dress, black shoes, and black shirt. And if it was cold out she wore a black wool cover jacket and head covering scarf. Every day of her life, she did not deviate one bit. She grieved the loss of her husband her entire adult life.

 

Jerry they say you can learn something new every day, and I may have just done so today thanks to your post.

I have known deep down inside that I have not fully grieved the passing of my father in 1999. Why I haven't done so has not been known to me, I just knew that I had not grieved fully. But you hit it on the head by saying that we block it out and put up a wall. I think that is so true in my case.

Thank you for your wise words How much do you charge for therapy sessions ? I owe you !

 

Grief is a strange emotion. While I still miss my parents we were far enough apart in both distance and emotion that my grieving for them was tolerable.

I find it strange that grief for my second wife of 11 years was and still is much harder than the grief I felt for my first wife of 33 years. I loved them both and would have done anything to relieve their suffering!