On my Mother's side-she has 3 sisters. Only 1 of them is worth anything-the other 2 are completely worthless-and my cousins on that side of the family are worthless as well. To give you an example of my aunts worthlessness-one of them (Ruthie) lives ~1 hour away. Right now, my grandmother (their mom) is pretty much fading away (mentally and physically) and my Mom is the only one who takes her to the doctor/rehab/adult day care/ etc. Ruthie-who is retired- is always 'too busy' to come help my mom out or take my grandmom to the doctors/appointments.
This is the same daughter who--upon giving her mother a pair of earrings for her birthday-actually wrote on the card that when she (grandmother) passes away, she wants the earrings back.

My cousins--what a bunch of losers. On the 2 aunts side--all of them are on govt assistance--too frigging lazy too work or they are claiming workman's comp for mystery aches and pains (which is funny in that NONE of them have actually done 'work' in the last 12-15 years).

 

You are absolutely right. There are no winners, only losers.

With all due respect, and having been through almost the exact same situation, I will tell you that these are questions that only you can and should answer. There really is no right or wrong in these situations, only what you feel comfortable doing. It's not easy to decide. Unfortunately, no matter what you do it won't be satisfactory to someone, probably yourself. I wish you luck.

 

Easy way out? Send an email, tell them they are all adults now, so you no longer will be sending gifts. You can let them know you will remember their birthdays with a card, and if they would like to do the same it would be appreciated. If a year or two passes with no cards from them, cross them off your mailing list.

IF you want, you could finish off the year sending birthday gifts for their birthdays, so they are all treated equally, then send the email, before Christmas if you want to quit the Christmas exchange too.

You did mention birthdays are big in your family, so the giving may be hard to stop.

Once my nephews and nieces were past college age I no longer sent gifts for birthday or Christmas. I do send cards and get card on my birthday from some, but not all of them.

If these kids are adults, could it be they just didn't bother or they forgot, not so much that they blew you off because of the biatch sister?

One last option, IF you want, because Christmas and birthdays are for kids (IMHO), you could send a gift to your great nieces/nephews vs their parents, AND if you are close to one niece, let her know that and the two of you can work out what to do about the exchange.

 

Since we are branching out, I am pretty close to my niece and nephews, with the exception of one nephew. He has been self involved since he was little, and got into drugs/alcohol later. He used my parents, and others, also - for money, etc. I have not forgiven him and don't like him much as a person. He is a bit nicer now when I see him (not often), but I don't go out of my way to keep in touch. He has caused my sis and mother plenty of heartache and worry, and still does to some extent. It's too bad, because he's a smart guy - probably too smart for his own good.

 

Yes very possible, but my b-day was a month and a half ago
Forgetting/being late is one thing, I have for sure been there
But letting nearly 2-months go buy with no phone call, email or text message?
That's a different thing all together
I know the kind of pressure their mother can apply
The one niece I'm still close to has told me and my mom, that her mom, the evil sister, has gotten mad at her because she has been very open about the fact that I have done no wrong to her or her husband and she refuses to get pulled into other people's problems and will continue to be close to her uncle.

 

Trust me, I know exactly what I intend to do, I knew that before I even started the thread
Mainly I'm curious to see how often other families go through this kind of stuff
In simple terms I will send cards to all (except the 1) without gifts, this is more than they did for me
At Christmas time I will send all (except the 1) a cars and a token $20 gift card and to those that are married and have kids, it's a gift to the family, not to each one.
Then based upon what I get or don't it will determine my actions the following year
I have every intention to try and act like the more mature adult, but I refuse to continue sending gift to people who send me nothing

 

Maybe the other siblings in that family are going along with the mother and not acknowledging your birthday. Sad. They are adults. They should think for themselves and make their decisions based on their relationship with you.

 

Yes, it is sad Lainey, because in the end they and their children will be the losers
When the kids all get older, you know how kids are, they talk and they are curious and they have not learned politically correct yet
I would love to be a fly on the wall when one of them asks "Why does 'Jane' have a great uncle and I don't?"

 

All I can say is my older brother is lucky I didn't have access to a gun, because when we were growing up I would have shot him on at least 200 different occasions. I guess I am lucky I didn't. He was a very lousy brother and I was picked on until I got big enough to show him I could inflict some pain in response. Now he treats me fine and we get along, but we have absolutely nothing in common, and if he weren't my brother, well let's just say I wouldn't see him very often. If he read this he would probably be hurt, not knowing how really awful he was, and how it would last a lifetime.

 

I cant stand my brother. Everything he does annoys me.