You called me, once, your "true soul-mate,"
to join you through life's journey.
But now we don't communicate
except through your attorney.


You dumped me and offered amends,
by saying we still could be friends.
Well, payback's a bummer --
not a scratch on my Hummer
when it totaled your Mercedes-Benz.


It's Valentines' Day, the day that I trust you'll
forget that I gave you that runny red pustule.


I put up with your drinking, your bad taste, your snoring.
What the hell was I thinking?
In bed you were BORING!


For three years, we were more than two; together, love had made us one.
Our souls entwined as our love grew.
Your ass grew more, so now I'm done.


Hot sex all night -- we never slept. But now I've reassessed:
I'm really looking forward to the day you're laid to rest.


Our love so true and tender turned into rage and scorn.
But you know I don't miss you: I've got my online porn.


I gave you my heart but you tore it to pieces.
So enjoy this flaming bag full of feces.


The awful, painful fact is that I miss you every night.
I need some target practice and perhaps a laser sight.


I said I'd be with you to the end, my love would never come up short.
But you don't look so hot anymore, so I'll withdraw my union's support.


I wish you well and hope you don't blame me for our situation.
I'll think of you whene'er I feel that awkward burning sensation.


I can't help but wonder why that day you turned and bitterly parted.
Was it the burritos I had for lunch and the poem they so eloquently farted?


Roses are red and taxis are yellow.
I hope you get herpes from your homely new fellow.


I'm so sorry that I hurt you.
I write to beg your pardon.
But once saw you naked,
I couldn't get a hard-on.


What I ever saw in you is anybody's guess.
I'm leaving you for Bobby, the guy from UPS.
You were boring in the sack, now I'm in ecstasy.
You never could accomplish what Brown can do for me.


I'm sorry my friend, our marriage came to an end.
You must admit our affair was outrageous.
You may think you got played, but you know what they say:
"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."


Our marriage is over!
It finally hit me.
At least we went longer than Jason and Britney.


Please don't blame me for our relationship's end.
Is it my fault you had such a hot best friend?

 

Who wrote that?

 

Don't know. One of those little e-mails that's making the rounds on days like this.

Why, does it sound familiar?

 

ha ha ha NOT! Why so many negative people around????

 

Not negative. Just realistic.

Not me, of course. I'm a romantic at heart.

 

BUT.....YOU posted it!!!

 

That was my evil twin brother Skippy.

He must have logged in under my s/n.

 

Great! Now you are mental too!!!

 

Happy venerial disease?!?

 

HAHA! that's exactly what I thought when I saw it!