Ahhh.....Men and Women

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09-12-2002, 07:31 AM

ltweintz

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I know it's long guys, but worth the read.

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well,
> > here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an
> > American University.
> >
> > "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
> > The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person
> > sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write
> > the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the
> > first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The
> > first person will then
> >
> > add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read
> > what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent.
> > There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say
> > must
> >
> > be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a
> > conclusion has been reached."
> >
> > The following was actually turned in by two of my English students,
> > Rebecca and Gary.
> >
> > STORY:
> > (first paragraph by Rebecca)
> >
> > At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
> > chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
> > now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
> > that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs,
> > keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if
> > she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again.
> > So chamomile was out of the question.
> >
> > ---------------------------------------------------
> > (second paragraph by Gary)
> >
> > Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
> > squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to
> > think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
> > Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.
> > "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic
> > communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so
> > far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed
> > out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The
> > jolt from
> >
> > the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the
> > cockpit.
> >
> > ---------------------------------------------------
> > (Rebecca)
> > He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he
> > felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one
> > woman
> >
> > who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped
> > its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
> > "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
> > Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
> > excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of
> > her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with
> > no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense
> > of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things round her. "Why must
> > one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
> >
> > ---------------------------------------------------
> > (Gary)
> > Little did she know, but she had less than ten seconds to live.
> > Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership
> > launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted
> > wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament
> > Treaty through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for
> > the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human
> > race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the
> > Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower
> > to pulverize
> >
> > the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
> > their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the
>atmosphere
> > unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
> > headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
> > inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid,
> > Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his
> > fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to
> > veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
> >
> > ---------------------------------------------------
> > (Rebecca)
> > This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
> > writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
> >
> > ---------------------------------------------------
> > (Gary)
> > Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts
> > at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have
> > chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA??? Oh
> > no, I'm such an air-headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele
> > novels."
> >
> > ---------------------------------------------------
> > (Rebecca)
> > Asshole.
> > ---------------------------------------------------
> > (Gary)
> > Bitch.
> > ---------------------------------------------------
> > (Rebecca)
> > W*nker.
> > ---------------------------------------------------
> > (Gary)
> > Slut.
> > ---------------------------------------------------
> > (Rebecca)
> > Get f*cked.
> > ---------------------------------------------------
> > (Gary)
> > Eat shit.
> > ----------------------------------------------------
> > (Rebecca)
> > F*CK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
> > ---------------------------------------------------
> > (Gary)
> > Go drink some tea, whore.
> > **********************************************
> >
> > (Teacher)
> > A+ - I really liked this one.
> > **********************************************