What did she do? Is it not time for some public shame?

 

Tell all BUMP!

 

Meh. He'll crack in due time.

 

Perhaps when he is off crack.

 

honestly I don't know how Lenny does it. It's a lot of typing....

 

and honestly I feel a bit bad spilling the beans publicly.... but she has been a real shit lately. to me, to her mom, to her friends. it's just bizarre.

here's a taste (this is paraphrased, but it is accurate):

phone message: "I love you, I love you"

1 week later: "I'm leaving, don't call me"

1 month later, me: "why is my marriage ending?"

her: "**** you, go **** yourself"



I mean, what the hell? I've talked to everyone we know, and as far as I can tell I didn't do anything bad, she just quit the marriage. Didn't even try to work it out, didn't even talk to me about things. Just quit. Pretty shitty. Especially after telling someone you love them. Is that how you show love? It is for her apparently.

What I don't get is all the anger. What the hell is up with that? I'm pissed because she won't talk to me about anything, she just quit. And I have kept my anger well in check, far more than she deserves, considering how she's been treating me. Well, I suppose, under these circumstances I have a right to be pissed off. Her? What is she pissed about?

Most people I know think she's cheating on me. That's a possibility, and it fits the profile. But there's more...

We split about two years ago for awhile, and one of the problems we had then, was her extreme anger. Come to find out she was using drugs daily. Not just pot, but a few other things pretty frequently. This looks very similar.

Second, it's not just me who's getting it. Her mother got a huge dose of crap from her. And one of her sisters too. Oh wait, and her best friend did too. What the hell did all these people do to her? The same thing I did? Namely, love her?

She is so messed up right now she doesn't see it. She's pissed off, hurt, betrayed people that are her closest family, not just me.... it's insane. She doesn't see how she verbally abuses people around her. She doesn't see how using drugs everyday is probably affecting her in a way she can't understand, mostly because she's NEVER not on some kind of drug. How does she know what it's like to be clear headed? We would go out to meet up with friends, or just go out together, she'd get high to the point where she couldn't complete a sentance. I mean, I don't care that people are into recreational whatever you got, but at some point, it becomes a thing that you are using like an alcoholic uses alcohol to medicate themselves. I was a huge pothead in school. I smoked first thing in the morning, all the way through to getting high to go to sleep. I've been on anti-depressents too. I can tell you from experience, steady use of the drugs changes you much more than the medication.

i just got interupted and lost my flow there. At any rate, what I've described in that paragraph just makes me sad. It's like the girl I met and fell in love with and stood on the bridge looking into her eyes as I married her.... it's like she doesn't exist. She's a ghost. There's somebody wearing her body right now going around being an absolute bitch to people that love her. I love her still. Unconditional real love. I guess that's why I'm not excited to talk this kind of trash. I don't want to believe this is her. When I first met her she was so thoughtful, kind, paid me a lot of attention.

and it's been all downhill from there. She blames me for shit she does. She says "You just want to make me feel bad" Well, actually I don't, but she should. For being shitty to people. How is it my fault that she is a shit to people. She is condescending, rude, she criticizes people for what shirts they wear, right to their faces. She knows no humiliation. You do something bad to someone and you just should feel bad.

She said we aren't compatible. Well, yeah, I'm not compatible with constant anger and verbal abuse.

We got in a fight because I wanted to use tongs to put bacon in a fry pan. She said just use your fingers. I said hand me the tongs. She got pissed and when I went across the kitchen to get the tongs she walked over to the bacon and started using her fingers to put the bacon in.

Well, she showed me. Showed me she has a control issue. It showed me she has an anger problem. And it showed me that isn't what love is.

I've got a million stories like this. And as time goes on they just got more frequent and worse.

I'm lucky to be out of it I suppose, I know there are nice girls out there that aren't freaks. I've learned a lot about myself the last couple years. I'm more patient and understanding than I've ever been in my life. I'm not bitter about women even though I've had a shitty experience. I spent six years with this girl, and 3 years with another who cheated and that was a horrible mess, and even though my only long term serious experiences have been poop, I think I have the most positive outlook I've ever had. 10 years ago I'd be on medication and thinking I'm a terrible shitty person that deserves to be treated like crap. Now I realize that I spent the last year of my life waiting waiting waiting for my wife to get our life together. I got mad on two occasions because I felt like I wasn't a priority in her life. Well I turned out to be right. But I married her, I love her and I stood by her, and I'm proud of that. And I think when all this settles, I'm going to still have those qualities, but she'll still be a drug using angry twit.

I'm going to pause here for a bit.

there's more.... oh brother....

 

Wick - firstly, I'm sorry you're dealing with all this.



Sounds like you have a healthy perspective about it all though. You realize her drug use is her responsibility, and you're understandably hurt about it but also have some great insights.

I know I said I hate math/stats in another thread but...the chances of her recovering from her addiction (regardless of drug/s of choice) are not good. Assuming she pursues treatment, she'll likely relapse several times. Facing a drug issue means dealing with some heavy duty personal stuff and some people simply are never ready to do that.

Seems like you hung in there, as have other people who love her. Sucks when you feel as though you can't do anything, but if you can accept it and take time to heal, I'm sure you'll find a new happiness down the road.

 

Thanks. She's not a drug addict in the sense that she's wasting away. It's just casual use, and its constant. And you are right about her facing herself and what she is. I don't know if she could do that with or without being high. I don't want to paint her up to be some sort of junkie, she just doesn't function as a rational human. The drugs are a symptom of her problem. And I wouldn't normally bring it up as an issue if we hadn't been through it before. And she said to me she wasn't doing anything other than smoking pot... but I know for a fact she's been buying 'candy' from her dealer... I don't like liars.

I hate saying these things about her, I really hate it. But I guess its what I'm up against... I really wish she would change and I could just erase all this, but that's not likely I think.....

I'll get through it eventually... I've actually been pretty upbeat lately, but until the divorce is done I have to talk to her occasionally and it brings it up again.... bleh.

 

damn wicky I thought this was a 2003 post weird that its happening again..not cool at all

 

i guess i learned my lesson this time. fork me over once, shame on you, fork me over twice... well I'm a dumbass... ah well. I tried. I went back into this with a clean conscience, I was committed. There's no shame in that. God only knows whats going on with her.... ah well. I'll find the right one eventually....