1. Jesus may love you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

2. Impotence -- nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."

2. The proctologist called. They found your head.

4. Everyone has a photographic memory. You just don't have any film.

5. Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date.

6. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

7. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you.

8. Heart attacks -- God's revenge for eating his animal friends.

9. Try not to let your mind wander. It's too small to be out by itself.

10. Guys, just because you have one doesn't mean you have to be one.

11. Welcome to America. Now speak English.

 

LMAO!! Those are great George!

 

Thanks, Luke.

 

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

 

Ashes to ashes,
Dust to dust,
If it wasn't* for women
you're pickle would rust.

* Weren't is correct, but sounds funny here -- in case the magician reads this.

 

LMAO

 

LOL so you are scared of the Magician as well are you

 

No, I'm not scared of him, but he's always correcting people's grammar.

 

No, I'm not. And just to prove my point, I'm not going to correct the incredible blunder in your post above.



(And it doesn't sound funny!)

 

I saw a great REAL bumper sticker:

"Stop inbreeding. Ban country music" and it had a smiley face with four eyes hehehe

as for ones I'd like to see:

- I have a gas pedal and know how to use it

- yes, those are blood smears on the hood... I'm at 1000 points right now

- Welcome to America. Move to Canada

- My other ride is your girlfriend

- Baby on board (as a car passes you, put a big a$$ pacifier in your mouth)

- Caution: Driver reading manual. Pass with care

- Rice is food. S2000 is life

I know, some suck, but all the really good ones already exist