jasonw

Ole staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Swen. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Lena. He tiptoed quietly toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Ole sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Ole woke up with searing pain in his head and butt and Lena staring at him from across the room. She said, "You were drunk again last night, weren't you Ole?"

Ole said, "Why you say such a mean ting?"

"Well," Lena said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the downstairs mirror."

mikes2k

From the window of your rented limousine, I saw your pretty blue eyes
One day soon you're gonna reach sixteen, Painted lady in the city of lies.

Oh, do you know my name? Do I look the same
You know I'm the one you want. I must be the one you need, yeah

Clutching pages from your teenage dream In the lobby of the Hotel Paradise
Through the circus of the L.A. queens. How fast your learn the downhill side

Oh, do you know my name? Do I look the same
You know I'm the one you want. I must be the one you need,.

Lips like cherries and the brow of a queen, Come on, flash it in my eyes
Said you dug me since you were thirteen,Then you giggle as you heave and sigh.

Oh, do you know my name? Do I look the same
You know I'm the one you want. I must be the one you need.

Hours, hours, and the moments in between, Oh, baby, I couldn't count the times
the fun of comin', oh the pain in leavin', Baby, dry those silver eyes

Oh, do you know my name? Do I look the same
You know I'm the one you want. I must be the one you need,

Ooh, that's right.

jasonw

The Raptor

Sven and Ole were fishing in a tiny little boat on a lake in northern Minnesota. Sven reached into his knapsack and pulled out a cigar. Then he asked Ole if he had a lighter. Ole: "Ya, sure, I tink I haff a lighter". Then he pulls out an enormous yellow 12-inch BIC lighter. Sven: "Yiminy Cricket, ver did you get dat monster?" Ole: "from my genie." Sven: "You haff a genie?" Ole "Ya, sure, I keep him in my tackle box." Sven: "Can I see?" Ole: "Ya, sure." Ole opens his tackle box and out comes this enormous genie. Sven looks up at the genie and says: "Hi, dere. I'm good friends vit yer master. I vas vondering if you vud grant me von vish." The genie said yes and Sven asked for a million bucks. At this point, the genie retreated back into Ole's tackle box and closed the lid behind him, leaving Sven sitting there wondering about his million bucks. Suddenly, an enormous flock of a million ducks flew overhead, blotting out the sun. Sven looked at Ole and said: "I said a million bucks, not ducks." Ole: "Ya, von ting I fergot to tell yew, the genie is a little hard of hearing. Yew really tink I ask him for a 12-inch BIC?"

jasonw

The genie gave me a 12" pianist!

The Raptor

Ya sure, you haf a little pianist. You tink I vanna know dat?

mikes2k

Roses on your piano?

UnkieTrunkie

I used a condom, my gf still got pregnant.
I checked the box, it said, "Stretch over organ. . ."
. . . so I thought the piano would be good enough,

wicky

s2ko