its not christmas but this is still funny
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its not christmas but this is still funny
I was deleting some old emails today and found this. It was a Christmas present for my girlfriend at the time and she actually liked it. I just wanted to give everyone a little christmas cheer before it really gets hot outside.
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not an item were you wearing, not even your blouse
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes of receiving dildos that all the girls could share
Little L**** was nestled all snug in her bed
Dreaming of giving a guy named ******* fantastic head
When out on the roof there arose such a clatter
You sprang from your bed nude to see who you could flatter
Away to the window you flew like a flash
Tore open the shutter and spread your wet gash
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
You were looking around for someone to blow
When what to your wandering eyes should appear
But a miniature sleigh and a fat man ****ing a reindeer
With a little old driver stroking his dick
You knew in a moment it must be St. Nick
More rapid than Sir, his coursers they came
He pounded them hard as he shouted their name:
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not an item were you wearing, not even your blouse
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes of receiving dildos that all the girls could share
Little L**** was nestled all snug in her bed
Dreaming of giving a guy named ******* fantastic head
When out on the roof there arose such a clatter
You sprang from your bed nude to see who you could flatter
Away to the window you flew like a flash
Tore open the shutter and spread your wet gash
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
You were looking around for someone to blow
When what to your wandering eyes should appear
But a miniature sleigh and a fat man ****ing a reindeer
With a little old driver stroking his dick
You knew in a moment it must be St. Nick
More rapid than Sir, his coursers they came
He pounded them hard as he shouted their name:
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From: SJC
Originally Posted by 8D_In_Trunk
Now that we've mentioned GroovyNeilNeil, I can safely say I ****ing hate Christmas with the white hot hatred of a thousand stars. You see, I hate Christmas music.
I hate "Sleigh Ride." As most of you know, I don't have a lot of bloodlust or hatred, but if Leroy Anderson (the asshole who composed that monster turd of a song) were still alive, I would shoot him in the kneecap, then take a scalpel and ritually disembowel him while the blood from the kneecap wound was still gushing out. As I clutch his internal organs in my hand cackling wildly, I'd then light them on fire using the sheet music of "Sleigh Ride" as kindling. You may ask, "Sheesh? Why do you hate that song?" Trust me, unless you're a musician, particularly a Hornist, you won't understand.
The Carol of The Bells, if played under any other auspice, would be mistaken for a Horror theme. Seriously, imagine you're walking on the beach in July, and you started humming that out of the blue. . . think about it. . . it's f'n creepy.
If you're an adult singing "Rudolph The Rednosed Reindeer," and you're not helping kids sing it, chances are you get psychotic if you can't get all of your gifts. You should probably be euthanized.
"What Child is This?" should be banned. The song is ****ing called "Greensleeves." The song is not be a religious missive, it's the Renaissance predecessor to Merle Haggard.
"Silent Night," "O Holy Night," "Away In A Manger," and "Angels We Have Heard On High" are all perfectly fine songs. . . now, can you sing them well? If you're thinking of singing "O Holy Night," just stop. Unless somebody is offering you cash to sing it, chances are you can't sing it.
Do you have a CD player or an mp3 player? Great. Go to your preferred Music vendor and procure "A Charlie Brown Christmas" by Vince Guaraldi. Neat-o, isn't it? Now, stop asking me to play, "that song from Charlie Brown. . . no, not that one. . . you know the one. . . "
"We Wish You a Merry Christmas" is, once again, a fine song, but let us not sing the first verse seventeen times. What? You don't like the words of the other verses? You're worried about confusing people with arcane references to figgy pudding? Then, either fix some damn figgy pudding or get rid of the song.
If you have any inclination to add 'Urban Yodeling' to any Christmas song, you should be beaten badly, and be forced to replace your Mariah Carey CDs with Jim Nabors albums.
I'm not playing "Jingle Bell Rock" for you. Some douche just asked for that 45 minutes ago. . . I don't care if it's your favorite song, I'm only playing it 7 times a day. . . that's the rule.
And lastly, don't ever tell me you don't like the songs I'm playing. . . it's Christmas time, and you hired me to play Christmas music.
Santa don't like getting whiz on his lap, and I hate your taste in Music. Suck up and deal.
I hate "Sleigh Ride." As most of you know, I don't have a lot of bloodlust or hatred, but if Leroy Anderson (the asshole who composed that monster turd of a song) were still alive, I would shoot him in the kneecap, then take a scalpel and ritually disembowel him while the blood from the kneecap wound was still gushing out. As I clutch his internal organs in my hand cackling wildly, I'd then light them on fire using the sheet music of "Sleigh Ride" as kindling. You may ask, "Sheesh? Why do you hate that song?" Trust me, unless you're a musician, particularly a Hornist, you won't understand.
The Carol of The Bells, if played under any other auspice, would be mistaken for a Horror theme. Seriously, imagine you're walking on the beach in July, and you started humming that out of the blue. . . think about it. . . it's f'n creepy.
If you're an adult singing "Rudolph The Rednosed Reindeer," and you're not helping kids sing it, chances are you get psychotic if you can't get all of your gifts. You should probably be euthanized.
"What Child is This?" should be banned. The song is ****ing called "Greensleeves." The song is not be a religious missive, it's the Renaissance predecessor to Merle Haggard.
"Silent Night," "O Holy Night," "Away In A Manger," and "Angels We Have Heard On High" are all perfectly fine songs. . . now, can you sing them well? If you're thinking of singing "O Holy Night," just stop. Unless somebody is offering you cash to sing it, chances are you can't sing it.
Do you have a CD player or an mp3 player? Great. Go to your preferred Music vendor and procure "A Charlie Brown Christmas" by Vince Guaraldi. Neat-o, isn't it? Now, stop asking me to play, "that song from Charlie Brown. . . no, not that one. . . you know the one. . . "
"We Wish You a Merry Christmas" is, once again, a fine song, but let us not sing the first verse seventeen times. What? You don't like the words of the other verses? You're worried about confusing people with arcane references to figgy pudding? Then, either fix some damn figgy pudding or get rid of the song.
If you have any inclination to add 'Urban Yodeling' to any Christmas song, you should be beaten badly, and be forced to replace your Mariah Carey CDs with Jim Nabors albums.
I'm not playing "Jingle Bell Rock" for you. Some douche just asked for that 45 minutes ago. . . I don't care if it's your favorite song, I'm only playing it 7 times a day. . . that's the rule.
And lastly, don't ever tell me you don't like the songs I'm playing. . . it's Christmas time, and you hired me to play Christmas music.
Santa don't like getting whiz on his lap, and I hate your taste in Music. Suck up and deal.
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Originally Posted by WestSideBilly,Apr 2 2008, 06:41 PM
By the way... did your girlfriend like it because she was a raging whore?
