Jokes for today!
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From: San Jose
Jokes for today!
Most of these are oldies, but still funny.
Joke #1
One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba
driving a brand new pickup.
Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.
"Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!?"
"Bobby Sue gave it to me" Bubba replied.
"She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?"
"Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on
County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put
the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the
truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said 'Bubba, take whatever you
want.' So I took the truck!"
"Bubba, you're a smart man! Them clothes woulda never fit you."
Joke #2
A man is in the hospital for a vasectomy but during the operation, the doctor accidentally cuts off one of his testicles -- thinking quickly, he sends a nurse to the cafeteria for a cocktail onion, which is "installs" in place of the missing testicle. When the man comes back for his follow-up, the doctor asks him how things are going and the man replies, "Well, Doc, three things -- first, whenever I take a piss, my eyes water. Second, every time my wife and I make love she gets heartburn. Third, whenever I drive past the local burger joint I get a hard-on like you wouldn't believe!"
Joke #3
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a
small town.
He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a
big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "I've
heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes, asshole. What
makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's
physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys
like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my
community, of reaching my full potential as a person. Because you and your
kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but also women at large, all in the name of humor.
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up,
"You stay out of this, mister. I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"
Joke #4
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother,
"Anthony proposed to me an hour ago."
"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
"Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell."
Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us,
we'll show him how wrong he is."
Joke #1
One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba
driving a brand new pickup.
Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.
"Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!?"
"Bobby Sue gave it to me" Bubba replied.
"She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?"
"Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on
County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put
the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the
truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said 'Bubba, take whatever you
want.' So I took the truck!"
"Bubba, you're a smart man! Them clothes woulda never fit you."
Joke #2
A man is in the hospital for a vasectomy but during the operation, the doctor accidentally cuts off one of his testicles -- thinking quickly, he sends a nurse to the cafeteria for a cocktail onion, which is "installs" in place of the missing testicle. When the man comes back for his follow-up, the doctor asks him how things are going and the man replies, "Well, Doc, three things -- first, whenever I take a piss, my eyes water. Second, every time my wife and I make love she gets heartburn. Third, whenever I drive past the local burger joint I get a hard-on like you wouldn't believe!"
Joke #3
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a
small town.
He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a
big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "I've
heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes, asshole. What
makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's
physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys
like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my
community, of reaching my full potential as a person. Because you and your
kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but also women at large, all in the name of humor.
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up,
"You stay out of this, mister. I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"
Joke #4
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother,
"Anthony proposed to me an hour ago."
"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
"Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell."
Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us,
we'll show him how wrong he is."
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