What the Corner needs
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From: Port-au-Prince, Haiti
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From: SJC
Oh no. No. No. I have some idea, not matter how infinitesimal, or else I wouldn't have asked.
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From: Port-au-Prince, Haiti
Okay, so it's been a while since I randomly applied my particular brand of silliness here. So if I'm rusty...please forgive me. I have now been awake for about 32 of the last 36 hours.... this is due ENTIIIIIRELY to the overall lack of work ethic in my office. This is something I may have to get into later, but not in my present, admittedly fuzzy state.
In this sleep-deprived stupor I keep thinking to myself I will be fine if I can make it to Saturday, at which point I shall board a plane and make my way back home for 2 weeks for Christmas. I kept thinking about home....and then about the holidays....and somehow this turned into me thinking about how awesome toys were when I was a kid....specifically because they were genuinely dangerous
The very best example I can give are Cabbage Patch Dolls. My little sister must have had at least 12 of these things. Apparently if you shape what is effectively a medieval mace weapon into the form of a creepy baby with lidless eyes, it is perfectly safe to give to a 6 year old to swing around their head. I am damn sure that the heads on those things were actually a mold that was filled with plastic and concrete and allowed to cure. On more than one occasion I saw one of those things dent a wall. Of course, for my sister, the wall wasn't the target... That dent was supposed to be in my skull
At some point the manufacturer upped their game and installed little, battery-powered, revolving gears in the head in order to teach children to feed small plastic french fries to toddlers. Of course what actually happened was that the gears would gnaw the hair off little girls' heads. Great....now my sister could render me unconscious, and then leave her weapon with me so the focker could try to scalp me.
My sister and i had a trampoline as kids, which are pretty dangerous to begin with.... Did i mention we lived in an apartment? Basically Me and my sister would set the trampoline up in the middle of the room and bounce tackle each other into furniture. The first two teeth I ever lost were not from natural causes....One was courtesy of the the focking Cabbage Patch, and the other was from misjudging my trajectory and eating a face-full of our old television set that looked like it was built into a liquor cabinet.
The best thing about toys from my childhood though, without a doubt, was the fun and mischief you could have/cause by experimenting with alternate uses. A couple of actual examples:
My little sister had an Easy Bake Oven....which left to its own devices, was the stupidest thing ever. Lets make ONE, teensy tiny focking brownie in a little tiny pan...it'll only take 72 hours using the wondrous power of a light bulb... could it ever get more fun than this?
You bet your a$$!
I liked to tinker by the age of 4, and I discovered that I could take the oven apart in order to use it to melt the heads off of my sisters dolls I know this sounds like it's a sh!tty thing to do because it is. But between the arsenal of Cabbage weaponry and the constant ratting me out....ole' Malibu Ken had it coming.
Do you remember Teddy Ruxpin? Basically, it was a stuffed bear that sat down hard on a cassette player. Now normally you put in one of the actual cassettes that come with the bear and it then lifelessly blinks and pretends to read to you....I never had one of these but a friend of mine did.
We both agreed we should see what would happen if we stuck a Bruce Springsteen cassette in the back of it.
For about 5 seconds the bear seemed to be having a seizure to the sound of The Boss....after which point it started making this unholy "BLLLGGHHAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!" with it's mouth wide open and it's eyes rolled back.....but that wasn't even the good part!
It then got warm.....then warmer.......then hot....and then it started to melt!
"BLLLGGHHAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!"
My buddies and I all agreed at the time that this was the best way to use this toy...even if it only worked once.
Alright....I'm falling asleep.....but I have been sitting here giggling at my desk, remembering the look on that damn bear's face....
In this sleep-deprived stupor I keep thinking to myself I will be fine if I can make it to Saturday, at which point I shall board a plane and make my way back home for 2 weeks for Christmas. I kept thinking about home....and then about the holidays....and somehow this turned into me thinking about how awesome toys were when I was a kid....specifically because they were genuinely dangerous
The very best example I can give are Cabbage Patch Dolls. My little sister must have had at least 12 of these things. Apparently if you shape what is effectively a medieval mace weapon into the form of a creepy baby with lidless eyes, it is perfectly safe to give to a 6 year old to swing around their head. I am damn sure that the heads on those things were actually a mold that was filled with plastic and concrete and allowed to cure. On more than one occasion I saw one of those things dent a wall. Of course, for my sister, the wall wasn't the target... That dent was supposed to be in my skull
At some point the manufacturer upped their game and installed little, battery-powered, revolving gears in the head in order to teach children to feed small plastic french fries to toddlers. Of course what actually happened was that the gears would gnaw the hair off little girls' heads. Great....now my sister could render me unconscious, and then leave her weapon with me so the focker could try to scalp me.
My sister and i had a trampoline as kids, which are pretty dangerous to begin with.... Did i mention we lived in an apartment?
Basically Me and my sister would set the trampoline up in the middle of the room and bounce tackle each other into furniture. The first two teeth I ever lost were not from natural causes....One was courtesy of the the focking Cabbage Patch, and the other was from misjudging my trajectory and eating a face-full of our old television set that looked like it was built into a liquor cabinet.The best thing about toys from my childhood though, without a doubt, was the fun and mischief you could have/cause by experimenting with alternate uses. A couple of actual examples:
My little sister had an Easy Bake Oven....which left to its own devices, was the stupidest thing ever. Lets make ONE, teensy tiny focking brownie in a little tiny pan...it'll only take 72 hours using the wondrous power of a light bulb... could it ever get more fun than this?
You bet your a$$!
I liked to tinker by the age of 4, and I discovered that I could take the oven apart in order to use it to melt the heads off of my sisters dolls
I know this sounds like it's a sh!tty thing to do because it is. But between the arsenal of Cabbage weaponry and the constant ratting me out....ole' Malibu Ken had it coming.Do you remember Teddy Ruxpin? Basically, it was a stuffed bear that sat down hard on a cassette player. Now normally you put in one of the actual cassettes that come with the bear and it then lifelessly blinks and pretends to read to you....I never had one of these but a friend of mine did.
We both agreed we should see what would happen if we stuck a Bruce Springsteen cassette in the back of it.
For about 5 seconds the bear seemed to be having a seizure to the sound of The Boss....after which point it started making this unholy "BLLLGGHHAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!" with it's mouth wide open and it's eyes rolled back.....but that wasn't even the good part!
It then got warm.....then warmer.......then hot....and then it started to melt!
"BLLLGGHHAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!"
My buddies and I all agreed at the time that this was the best way to use this toy...even if it only worked once.
Alright....I'm falling asleep.....but I have been sitting here giggling at my desk, remembering the look on that damn bear's face....
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From: SJC
Do you remember Teddy Ruxpin? Basically, it was a stuffed bear that sat down hard on a cassette player. Now normally you put in one of the actual cassettes that come with the bear and it then lifelessly blinks and pretends to read to you....I never had one of these but a friend of mine did.
We both agreed we should see what would happen if we stuck a Bruce Springsteen cassette in the back of it.
We both agreed we should see what would happen if we stuck a Bruce Springsteen cassette in the back of it.
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Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 12,891
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From: Port-au-Prince, Haiti
Originally Posted by Ledfoot' timestamp='1418930250' post='23441243
Do you remember Teddy Ruxpin? Basically, it was a stuffed bear that sat down hard on a cassette player. Now normally you put in one of the actual cassettes that come with the bear and it then lifelessly blinks and pretends to read to you....I never had one of these but a friend of mine did.
We both agreed we should see what would happen if we stuck a Bruce Springsteen cassette in the back of it.
We both agreed we should see what would happen if we stuck a Bruce Springsteen cassette in the back of it.
.....Epic!
"WELLLLLCOME TO THA JUNGLE! WE GOT FUN AND***spack~fizzzle***TTTZZZZZTTTT!***"
"BLLLGGHHAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!"
This is almost worth surfing ebay to revisit
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 111,882
Likes: 2,034
From: SoCal
Originally Posted by Ledfoot' timestamp='1418930250' post='23441243
Do you remember Teddy Ruxpin? Basically, it was a stuffed bear that sat down hard on a cassette player. Now normally you put in one of the actual cassettes that come with the bear and it then lifelessly blinks and pretends to read to you....I never had one of these but a friend of mine did.
We both agreed we should see what would happen if we stuck a Bruce Springsteen cassette in the back of it.
We both agreed we should see what would happen if we stuck a Bruce Springsteen cassette in the back of it.
I got a lil Bear at via the White Elephant we do w/ the
's and it Hooks up to your iPod or phone and 
's to what ever tune you play. The 's found some lil short comic blips for him to say / sing its really cute!& yes mom's old enough to remember TR
surely got it for one of mine back then.
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 111,882
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From: SoCal
PS nice having ya here again Ben 
Wonder if it would EVER be possible to have a
REUNION DAY and git ALL THE MIA's in for just ONE day even 
maybe you all could put some blurb on Wack's FaceSpace about that 
Wonder if it would EVER be possible to have a
REUNION DAY and git ALL THE MIA's in for just ONE day even maybe you all could put some blurb on Wack's FaceSpace about that
Joined: Jul 2002
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From: stuffed in a box
/slides a fat white envelope into jimmy's box....