We all got some so lets share. Nothing is taboo here so no whining.
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One day little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parents room to check it out.

He opened the door to see his mom bent over the dresser and dad going at it behind her. Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink as Johnny closed the door.

After business was finished Dad went to check on little Johnny.He opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent over the dresser and little Johnny going at it behind her.

Dad yelled, 'Johnny, what the hell are you doing?!'

Little Johnny replied, 'It's not so funny when its your mom is it?!'


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This dude walks into a bar and says "Gimmie 12 martinis." The barkeep lines them up, and the gentleman proceeds to start downing them one by one.
"What are you celebrating?" asks the barkeep.
"My first blowjob," say the gentleman.
"Well let me buy you one on the house," say the barkeep...

"Nah, if twelve martinis won't get the taste out of my mouth, one more isn't gonna help."

 

one more
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A fifty year old lady is standing in the check out line at the local Safeway (grocery store), and notices the young kid next in line has garage door open. She kindly points the fact out to him. He responds with, "Hey did you like my Mustang (with a snarky grin)". She politely responds, "Well it looks more line a Mini-Cooper with two flats!".

 

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly
gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess
something that symbolizes
Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He
flicked it on.
"It represents a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He
shook them and said,
"They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through th e pearly gates".
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of
women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just
what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols."

And So The Christmas Season Begins......

 

damn this one took me a while to get.


i was reading it too fast and thought it was saying a GARAGE DOOR OPENER and he said he had a mustang and the lady was saying it looked like a mini-cooper, so i was thinking this idiot was closing the door on his car.


i then had to re-read it to see that it was pointing out that the fly was open aka the garage door OPEN (not opener)...

 

Boy, now i have three threads to fill

[B]WHY MEN DON

 

Irish Robber:

An armed and hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot, one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.

The robber shoots the guy in the head without hesitation!
He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.

One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him in the head also.

Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor. Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber.

There are a few moments of silence then one elderly Irish lass, looking down, tentatively raises her hand and says: 'I think me husband may have caught a glimpse ....'

 

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink. Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside? The blonde said it was hers.

Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said.

The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.

The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.'

'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this mornin.'

The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!'



(You gotta love this)



The blonde looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.

 

What does a Muslim pussy looks like?