So I'll try to keep the back-story as short as possible. I'm not usually the type to whine about women, but I really can't get a clear picture of this situation and what I should do. I'd much appreciate any advice from people who have lived through this stuff before.

I've been living with my girlfriend for 14 months, and we have been dating for 18. We've certainly had our ups-and-downs... she cheated on me a little less than a year ago, and my trust has been slow to return, especially as she's done the same thing in past relationships. We do get on each others nerves, and we've had enough bumps in the road that we sometimes don't show affection as we once did. However, I love her more than anything in the world, and I can't imagine the connection we have is typical, even for married couples.

She has a degree in interior design and is starting her professional career. I stopped going to school to help swing the cost of living together. Finances are tough sometimes.

Here is what's going on now: a week ago she admitted she was accepted for a low-income bond for a VERY upscale apartment complex in the area. She will be paying $800 a month for a $1900 1-bedroom. She says that my distrust has made her feel restricted, and she wants to take a step back to living apart and being just boyfriend and girlfriend. She keeps telling me I should take the chance, move back home with my family, and finish school. However, the fact that she spent two weeks planning the move to the smallest detail without telling me makes her trustworthiness even more questionable. Also, I think that after footing 2/3 of our bills for the past 14 months, her ending up in a luxury apartment and me ending up in my childhood bedroom seems a bit unfair. She is aware that I wouldn

 

i'm a cheater. it's not something that i'm particularly proud of, but i'm honest and i will tell you that the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" seems to be pretty accurate, at least with me and all the other cheaters like me that i've ever met. however, i do truly believe that i've only been a cheater because i haven't found anybody that i'm truly ready to settle down with. with that said... i've had two fairly serious, long-term relationships. i've cheated on both of them.

boyfriend a. i dated him for 3

 

"once a cheater, always a cheater" seems to be correct.



it seems to me thats shes getting ready to move on and you're not in her future...drop her like a ton of bricks and move on.fate isn't on your side on this one.







peace

 

C Unit, I really appreciate the time you took to write all of that out... and the fact you put yourself out there by owning up to what you've done.

I've heard everything you just said from my friends and family, but hearing it from someone who has lived her side of it makes me believe it more.

I will say one thing... the reason I can't just move into that apartment is the help her father is providing. He's footing almost $2k in costs to break our lease and pay the deposits on the new apartment. Her and I couldn't swing that right now, and with me on the lease we'd be over the earning limit anyway.

Still, I know you're right. The only times she has really tried have been the times I gave up, started to walk away, and stopped fighting. When I show that I love her, it doesn't seem to mean much... until I give up and she complains about how she just wants my affection. Whether she does it on purpose or by habit, I know it's all pretty much a game.

I suppose part of this has to do with age. She was 19 and I was 20 when we got together, and neither of us have ANY claim to being wise or experienced in successful relationships. I just keep thinking that it's all immaturity that will eventually be worked out with time... but I think that card has finally been used up too.

 

you're a death cab fan...

she'll be singing:

i'm reaching for the phone
to call at 7:03
and on your machine I slur a plea for you to come home
but i know it's too late
and i should have given you a reason to stay

it hurts to think of all the ways it might have worked out differently and you could still be together... but you can't let yourself think of it like that. you'll be a better man because of it.

 

cunit, you're a hell of a girl. in fact, you sound like a guy. not an insult, but i think you've got a good amount of testasterone goin through ur veins.

it's kinda awkward that you keep saying you love the guys while cheating onthem, etc. it's prob just a diff in word definitions, but maybe you oughta reserve love for an even "special-er" emotion. sorry to sidetrack and it's cool that you shared all that. in addition, it shouldn't be a surprise that the worse you treated the guy, the higher the status you put forward, making you more desirable to him. ironically, you strongly attracted him and then got a restraining order him. hehe

OC, it sounds all messed up. all the signs are there that she isn't good for you. that doesn't mean you should ditch her. as long as you're enjoyment outweighs your suffering, then by all means. but dont harbor hope that she will magically change. i too wondered why you couldn't move in with her. there's no reason you need to be on the lease officially. reading between her lines says, "i dont want to be around you anymore and go away." sorry dude, but be glad you're young and still have much hope for the future.

 

I would have dropped her when I found out she cheated. That to me is one of the, if not the most disrespectful thing you can do to someone in a relationship. Judging by your post it sounds like you are around 22 I assume? This is prime time to go out and experience life. Lose her and start fresh. It might hurt for a while in the beginning, but trust me that you'll find yourself better off in the long run.

 

"She keeps telling me I should take the chance, move back home with my family, and finish school"

Seems like she's telling you it's over right there.


"She spent two weeks planning the move to the smallest detail without telling me makes her trustworthiness even more questionable. "

Another reason you should move on. She's not planning for you to be in her life. You aren't getting the hint that it's over.


"Also, I think that after footing 2/3 of our bills for the past 14 months, her ending up in a luxury apartment and me ending up in my childhood bedroom seems a bit unfair"

Who told you life was fair?



It's pretty easy to stand on the outside and see things clearly but you care for her far more than she cares for you. Time to swallow your pride and go back to school.

 

Well, too me it seems like she has been trying to find a way out of this relationship for a while now. Im no doctor Phil, but more times than not when someone cheats, the damage is hard to fix. It will always be in the back of your mind eating away at you, everytime time she is late, everytime she dosen't call when she says she is, everytime till she refers to one of her guys friends, all you will be thinking about will be "is she cheating". This will drive you insane, trust me been there done that. I know some people are able to overcome troubles like this, but more times than not all it leads to is a quick marriage and then a quick divorce.

Personaly I think the barrier will be to big to overcome, right now. I'm not sure of your age, but you sound relativly young 20 or so. You have a lot of life to live my friend! You and your girlfriend will see that, once you reach 25 or so.

You need to move back in with your family and go back to school get your degree meet a nice young girl there and then start your life. When you place someone else needs and wants over yours you will never be happy, and the other person will always want more and more.

Good luck!

 

[QUOTE=OCMusicJunkie,Feb 20 2007, 01:39 AM] So I'll try to keep the back-story as short as possible. I'm not usually the type to whine about women, but I really can't get a clear picture of this situation and what I should do. I'd much appreciate any advice from people who have lived through this stuff before.

I've been living with my girlfriend for 14 months, and we have been dating for 18. We've certainly had our ups-and-downs... she cheated on me a little less than a year ago, and my trust has been slow to return, especially as she's done the same thing in past relationships. We do get on each others nerves, and we've had enough bumps in the road that we sometimes don't show affection as we once did. However, I love her more than anything in the world, and I can't imagine the connection we have is typical, even for married couples.

She has a degree in interior design and is starting her professional career. I stopped going to school to help swing the cost of living together. Finances are tough sometimes.

Here is what's going on now: a week ago she admitted she was accepted for a low-income bond for a VERY upscale apartment complex in the area. She will be paying $800 a month for a $1900 1-bedroom. She says that my distrust has made her feel restricted, and she wants to take a step back to living apart and being just boyfriend and girlfriend. She keeps telling me I should take the chance, move back home with my family, and finish school. However, the fact that she spent two weeks planning the move to the smallest detail without telling me makes her trustworthiness even more questionable. Also, I think that after footing 2/3 of our bills for the past 14 months, her ending up in a luxury apartment and me ending up in my childhood bedroom seems a bit unfair. She is aware that I wouldn