Just want it to share:

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.


Week at the Gym: One Man's Story

Dear Diary....
For my fiftieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of
personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great
shape since playing on my college football team 25 years ago, I decided it
would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. Called the club and made my
reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who
identified herself as a 26 year old aerobics instructor and model for
athletic clothing and swimwear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get
started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.......

Monday:

Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it
when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is
something of a Greek goddess-with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white
smile. Woooo Hooo!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse after
five minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I
attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed
watching the skillful way in which she conducted aerobics class after my
workout today. Very inspiring. Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups,
although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around.
This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!

Tuesday:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda
made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air- then she put
weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full
mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a
whole new life for me.

Wednesday:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on the
counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in
both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I
parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me,
insisting that my screams bothered other club members.
Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds,
she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got
on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would
anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?
Belinda told me it would help me to get in shape and enjoy life. She said some
other shit too.

Thursday:

Belinda is waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin,
cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an
hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out
with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She
sent Lars to find me and then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine
which I sank.

Friday:

I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other
human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little
cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I
would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have
any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't
hand me the *&%#(#&**!!@*@ barbells or anything that weighs more than a
sandwich.(Which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you attended and
graduated magna cum laude from, Belinda!!!!) The treadmill flung me off and I landed
on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer,
like the drama coach or the choir director?

Saturday:

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice,
wondering why I didn't show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash
the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV
remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

Sunday:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank
GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my wife (the
bitch) will choose a gift for me that is fun-like a root canal or a vasectomy.

 

Hahahahah

 

hahahahaha

Tuner

 

 

nice one.

 

Funny but true. Many times I did the same thing to my clients. People have great time working out the first time, but they usually over do it.

Gina especially liked the "tooth brush" thing...

She's still laughing.

 

funny as shit...

 

lol....