E-mail from management at work
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From: Berkshires, MA
E-mail from management at work
Dear employees,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT
it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely, The Management
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT
it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely, The Management
nice
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From: Smalltown
Originally Posted by HARDtoTOP,Feb 6 2009, 06:01 PM
I am going to circle this at work. We just got word today we are laying off 50 guys
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From: Westport, MA
Originally Posted by PuFF,Feb 6 2009, 06:21 PM
wtfff they lay off police officers????
I am going from having 60 men under me in seniority to only 10 if I am lucky. Many of the guys getting the boot have a few kids and big mortgages. I don't know how they will survive.
My work schedule will definatly be changing and it's gonna get dicey out there with a lot less guys for backup.
The city near laineys place is looking at similar if not worse layoffs.
I am very worried for the guys who are getting the axe. I don't know how many of them will lose everything. If they cut any deeper later on, I am gone too.
On the bright side, if there is any, there will be a lot less comp for overtime and details this summer
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 65,409
Likes: 4,694
From: Smalltown
Hoping something changes soon. Stimulus/spending plan, call it what you will, IF it does send $ to cities, and towns, it could help.
Pay cuts and hour reductions are much easier to bear compared to total job loss, benefits stay intact. I'll take my hour reduction and intact insurance any day.
One guy told me his family plan for health insurance is now $1500.00/month. What unemployed person can afford that? They do have assistance, but if you made too much $ in the last six months, or have a working spouse, you won't qualify.
Financial folks have often recommended 6 months of living expenses tucked away in a "rainy day fund." Six months is likley not enough time to find a job in this economy. That rainy day fund will disappear quickly, and I know most young folks don't have that kind of $. Financial folks are now suggesting 9-12 months in the rainy day fund, as it is very likely some folks will feel the need to help out family members who have lost jobs.
Pay cuts and hour reductions are much easier to bear compared to total job loss, benefits stay intact. I'll take my hour reduction and intact insurance any day.
One guy told me his family plan for health insurance is now $1500.00/month. What unemployed person can afford that? They do have assistance, but if you made too much $ in the last six months, or have a working spouse, you won't qualify.
Financial folks have often recommended 6 months of living expenses tucked away in a "rainy day fund." Six months is likley not enough time to find a job in this economy. That rainy day fund will disappear quickly, and I know most young folks don't have that kind of $. Financial folks are now suggesting 9-12 months in the rainy day fund, as it is very likely some folks will feel the need to help out family members who have lost jobs.