Broke up with my girlfriend yesterday....:(
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Yesterday I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years. Unfortunately, I'm real depressed over what happened.
Our relationship started the senior year of highschool till now when we're both in college. This was my first real relationship and she meant the whole world to me. As we started college she knew things would change, I thought so too. I always had the gut feeling that it was inevitable that we would split. But over the past 3 years we began to drift apart and have more and more fights. We said we were going to break up many times but we got back together in a week or so. But this time it's over for sure.
She attends school 30 miles away, therefore we only meet on the weekends mostly. In the beginning of our college years, she used to anticipate the weekend when we would be together but that feeling has faded over the years. We used to do everything together but now she goes out with her new friends all the time. She used to call me when she's unhappy, I would always drop what I'm doing and go down there right away. Everything just faded over the years and I didn't want it to be that way.
I admit I'm an insecure type of guy but a lot of things she did made me insecure. The past semester she made some new friends, she really likes them. She just left me hanging there. She went out to parties with them a couple times and she didn't tell me. She went out of town with them twice and she didn't tell me. How fortunate of me to find a girl that disappears all the time. I was all worried thinking something had happened to her. There was this guy that I didn't like because he was always calling her. I know that the guy is trying to steal her from me, I told her not to talk to him. She said ya but I found out that she was still talking to him everyday/everynight. I don't know what developed between them but I don't want to stick around and find out. I guess girls like it when they have another guy going after them. WTF! I'm so frickin mad right now! Because of this I feel like she doesn't care about me at all. This is so unfair! Everytime I think of these things I get so mad and I feel like calling her up just to tell her but I know it won't make a difference cuz she's just going to be like ok... I think our relationship cannot be saved her heart is somewhere else. I don't trust her anymore.
When we were together you couldn't believe the kinda fights we go through. She never agrees with me at all. I'm always trying to figure out who's right and who's wrong but we go insane trying to do that. So most of the time I just apologize just so we make up and I don't want to dwell on something like this. But this happens over and over again. She's the only person that can make me this mad.
So what should I do now? I tried to go out and keep myself busy but I can't keep my mind off of this. I can't seem to find a solution. Right now I'm thinking about calling her...
I hope you guys can give me some pointers cuz that's what I need.
Our relationship started the senior year of highschool till now when we're both in college. This was my first real relationship and she meant the whole world to me. As we started college she knew things would change, I thought so too. I always had the gut feeling that it was inevitable that we would split. But over the past 3 years we began to drift apart and have more and more fights. We said we were going to break up many times but we got back together in a week or so. But this time it's over for sure.
She attends school 30 miles away, therefore we only meet on the weekends mostly. In the beginning of our college years, she used to anticipate the weekend when we would be together but that feeling has faded over the years. We used to do everything together but now she goes out with her new friends all the time. She used to call me when she's unhappy, I would always drop what I'm doing and go down there right away. Everything just faded over the years and I didn't want it to be that way.
I admit I'm an insecure type of guy but a lot of things she did made me insecure. The past semester she made some new friends, she really likes them. She just left me hanging there. She went out to parties with them a couple times and she didn't tell me. She went out of town with them twice and she didn't tell me. How fortunate of me to find a girl that disappears all the time. I was all worried thinking something had happened to her. There was this guy that I didn't like because he was always calling her. I know that the guy is trying to steal her from me, I told her not to talk to him. She said ya but I found out that she was still talking to him everyday/everynight. I don't know what developed between them but I don't want to stick around and find out. I guess girls like it when they have another guy going after them. WTF! I'm so frickin mad right now! Because of this I feel like she doesn't care about me at all. This is so unfair! Everytime I think of these things I get so mad and I feel like calling her up just to tell her but I know it won't make a difference cuz she's just going to be like ok... I think our relationship cannot be saved her heart is somewhere else. I don't trust her anymore.
When we were together you couldn't believe the kinda fights we go through. She never agrees with me at all. I'm always trying to figure out who's right and who's wrong but we go insane trying to do that. So most of the time I just apologize just so we make up and I don't want to dwell on something like this. But this happens over and over again. She's the only person that can make me this mad.
So what should I do now? I tried to go out and keep myself busy but I can't keep my mind off of this. I can't seem to find a solution. Right now I'm thinking about calling her... I hope you guys can give me some pointers cuz that's what I need.
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From: N to the Y to the C
what is it about the winter that brings such turmoil between couples? A month ago I broke up with my fiance who I loved and still love with all my heart. We had a relationship full of issues and in the end it was those issues themselves that led me to part with him. This is the first time I have ever felt so strongly about a person and was very distraught afterwards, even tho i was the one who ended it. We have spoken (or fought whatever u want to call it ) this whole month and it has been hard but we finally came to some understanding last nite actually. So my advice to you is to do what i did...since its only been a day since u two broke up, i think u should calm down and think about other things....if u work make the most of that. When the new semester starts, get very involved in that....also dont be afraid to go out too...i dont mean hit up every party in the U S of A, but call some of ure friends up and go chill...having friends around really helps alot. And then if u mean as much to her in the long run as she means to u, she'll get in touch and little by little this will be resolved for the better, whether u get back together or not.
Good luck hope u feel better!
Good luck hope u feel better!
Joined: Aug 2002
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From: Owings Mills, MD
KC3 - I'm sorry to hear about this. I'd usually go into my advice mode, but I know it's a bad time for you so I'll only give you some pointers.
I wouldn't call her. Maybe wait a FULL week or week and a half and see if she calls. You can then call at that time, but keep it brief and don't talk about the relationship.
Girls go through this thing between 20-22 when they're in college (ability to drink legally possibly?) that make them ... I don't know the word... "untrustworthy"?? go a little wild?? want more indendence??
Leave her alone for a bit, a lot of times they'll realize what they don't have anymore and possibly come back. Now here's the REAL question, think of the WORST possible thing she could have done... now ask yourself, DO YOU REALLY WANT HER BACK?
It hurts, but unless you're able to forgive you're better off without (you can't forget and it's hard to actually forgive).
I wouldn't call her. Maybe wait a FULL week or week and a half and see if she calls. You can then call at that time, but keep it brief and don't talk about the relationship.
Girls go through this thing between 20-22 when they're in college (ability to drink legally possibly?) that make them ... I don't know the word... "untrustworthy"?? go a little wild?? want more indendence??
Leave her alone for a bit, a lot of times they'll realize what they don't have anymore and possibly come back. Now here's the REAL question, think of the WORST possible thing she could have done... now ask yourself, DO YOU REALLY WANT HER BACK?
It hurts, but unless you're able to forgive you're better off without (you can't forget and it's hard to actually forgive).
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From: M.I.A.M.I., FLORIDA
Wow.. I am sure it's sorta hard right now for you. I can't say I have been in your situation, since you guys were together for 3 yrs. I have been hurt, and i have been with someone who is away for school and then you are so insecure of what they are doing.
The way you have to look at this is "Things happen for a reason" and if you guys were meant to be, then she'll be coming back. At this point she has found someone close to her, and she is intrigued that this other guy likes her. She has been pulling herself away from you slowly trying to brake up with you and to see if maybe you wouldn't get hurt as much. My opinion she's ok with the brake up, even though you aren't. She wanted this to happen. She lost the spark on her end. Even though she might "love you" she's not "IN LOVE" with you. It's going to be hard for you to get through this but as S2000qtee said, just try to entertain yourself, go out have fun and maybe meet some girls at your school. It's going to be hard and don't think it's going to take a day or 2 to get over this, it's not gonna happen that quickly. But hey DO NOT CALL HER!!!
The way you have to look at this is "Things happen for a reason" and if you guys were meant to be, then she'll be coming back. At this point she has found someone close to her, and she is intrigued that this other guy likes her. She has been pulling herself away from you slowly trying to brake up with you and to see if maybe you wouldn't get hurt as much. My opinion she's ok with the brake up, even though you aren't. She wanted this to happen. She lost the spark on her end. Even though she might "love you" she's not "IN LOVE" with you. It's going to be hard for you to get through this but as S2000qtee said, just try to entertain yourself, go out have fun and maybe meet some girls at your school. It's going to be hard and don't think it's going to take a day or 2 to get over this, it's not gonna happen that quickly. But hey DO NOT CALL HER!!!
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From: N to the Y to the C
Yeah dont call her....let her sit and think and when shes ready she will call u.... just dont freak out if she doesnt call you for a few days....only time will tell what the future of ure relationship brings....
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From: Brussels, Belgium
...Sometimes these things happen and you've got to deal with it, by accepting it.
It sounds easier than it is, I know. Something quite similar happened to me in a four year relationship and I was hurt, real hurt.
But I just focussed on the stuff that I had to do and that was going to be important for me in my future life and gradually, I forgot. About one year later I got some opportunities that I would have never even considered when I would still be with her (because
It sounds easier than it is, I know. Something quite similar happened to me in a four year relationship and I was hurt, real hurt.
But I just focussed on the stuff that I had to do and that was going to be important for me in my future life and gradually, I forgot. About one year later I got some opportunities that I would have never even considered when I would still be with her (because
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From: Chicago
KC3,
Lived through the exact same thing in college, don't worry man you will be all good shortly. One thing I found after breaking up with a long term GF in college is you find out there were many other girls who wanted to hook-up but wouldn't approach you because you had a GF. I found this to help the situation quite a bit. Many times people get into the Long distance or just get into a relationship rut and want things to be how they were but things change too quick when you are 20-23. My advice would be to wait till she calls you, I have too many friends who still hang out with ex-girlfriends who they never got over and it is really really depressing they never move on.
The best things to do is go and hang out with your friends, seeing as how most people neglect their friends in favor of the GF anyways. The who was wrong/right constant arguement really are the signal that you both need a change and if you are even starting to think that you don't trust her than you already don't. Do not try to fool yourself. My theory on women is that if I am fed up enough to break up with her or she breaks up with me, I am heading out of the door I am not looking back and I am not turning around because things will not be the same or the way that both of you want to be.
PS- natty light and a beirut table also help pass the time. Hope you feel better, or you could go and buy an S2000 that would make me feel better.
Lived through the exact same thing in college, don't worry man you will be all good shortly. One thing I found after breaking up with a long term GF in college is you find out there were many other girls who wanted to hook-up but wouldn't approach you because you had a GF. I found this to help the situation quite a bit. Many times people get into the Long distance or just get into a relationship rut and want things to be how they were but things change too quick when you are 20-23. My advice would be to wait till she calls you, I have too many friends who still hang out with ex-girlfriends who they never got over and it is really really depressing they never move on.
The best things to do is go and hang out with your friends, seeing as how most people neglect their friends in favor of the GF anyways. The who was wrong/right constant arguement really are the signal that you both need a change and if you are even starting to think that you don't trust her than you already don't. Do not try to fool yourself. My theory on women is that if I am fed up enough to break up with her or she breaks up with me, I am heading out of the door I am not looking back and I am not turning around because things will not be the same or the way that both of you want to be.
PS- natty light and a beirut table also help pass the time. Hope you feel better, or you could go and buy an S2000 that would make me feel better.
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From: Arlington
Yeah, sorry bro. Just let it go and move on.
I just broke it off w/ my girl of 8 years plus yesterday. We met in college and everything was great. Then it wasn't the last 2 years (we were both busy w/ our new career, post college), and nothing the last 2 months because I was preoccupied w/ my younger brother who visited me and had to have a major surgery. Taking him to Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, MD from Arlington, VA. Asking for time off from Pentagon (not easy to do) to stay w/ him, etc. He's stay was over Thanksgiving break and he ended up staying until late December, just before Christmas.
Well, yesterday I e-mailed my girl some safety e-mail about cell phone use and filling up at the gas station, etc. She was at home so I called her from work, but she said she didn't recieve the e-mail. Well, when I came home she left the computer on and her e-mail was open. I scanned through searching for my e-mail, but instead I found all these weird e-mails from 2 different guys about thanking her for dinner the other night, how great it felt to hold her the other night, and a couple who are happy w/ mixed religious marriages. I wasn't snooping either, it just happened.
I actually changed my religion for this girl, because she said that's what I needed to do in order to marry her.
To make the long story short, we were engaged for about 1.5 years because I wasn't "fully converted" in the religion; the e-mails she got from other guys started around Thanksgiving time; and our relationship ended last night/this morning.
I felt betrayed, cheated, you name it, I felt bad. I thought about a lot of things, and to keep everything safe. I just decided to break it off.
I'm moving out next month after our lease is over, so I don't have to pay any penalty fee, and because I just can't kick her out to the curb/that's just not right.
This weekend and next weekend I'm going skiing/snowboarding w/ some close friends.
So, just move on, it'll be alright. Shoot, I made it fine, so you should be fine as well. Just give some time. I'm just glad I have a clinical psychatrist who has office next to mine and let me vent.
LT
I just broke it off w/ my girl of 8 years plus yesterday. We met in college and everything was great. Then it wasn't the last 2 years (we were both busy w/ our new career, post college), and nothing the last 2 months because I was preoccupied w/ my younger brother who visited me and had to have a major surgery. Taking him to Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, MD from Arlington, VA. Asking for time off from Pentagon (not easy to do) to stay w/ him, etc. He's stay was over Thanksgiving break and he ended up staying until late December, just before Christmas.
Well, yesterday I e-mailed my girl some safety e-mail about cell phone use and filling up at the gas station, etc. She was at home so I called her from work, but she said she didn't recieve the e-mail. Well, when I came home she left the computer on and her e-mail was open. I scanned through searching for my e-mail, but instead I found all these weird e-mails from 2 different guys about thanking her for dinner the other night, how great it felt to hold her the other night, and a couple who are happy w/ mixed religious marriages. I wasn't snooping either, it just happened.
I actually changed my religion for this girl, because she said that's what I needed to do in order to marry her.
To make the long story short, we were engaged for about 1.5 years because I wasn't "fully converted" in the religion; the e-mails she got from other guys started around Thanksgiving time; and our relationship ended last night/this morning.
I felt betrayed, cheated, you name it, I felt bad. I thought about a lot of things, and to keep everything safe. I just decided to break it off.
I'm moving out next month after our lease is over, so I don't have to pay any penalty fee, and because I just can't kick her out to the curb/that's just not right.
This weekend and next weekend I'm going skiing/snowboarding w/ some close friends.
So, just move on, it'll be alright. Shoot, I made it fine, so you should be fine as well. Just give some time. I'm just glad I have a clinical psychatrist who has office next to mine and let me vent.
LT