9000RPM

I just need a way to vent my emotions and so I'm puting my emotions in my writing. Well I just found out that my gf, for almost a year now, has been cheating on me.

Here's the story:

My gf lives in New Orleans. I never thought that I would get in a long distance relationship, much less with one with a single mother. I've been in a relationship with a single mom before and it's hard because the break-up was with 2 people.

From the beginning, our relationship started out with lies and deceit on both of our ends. I was no angel myself nor was she. I won't get into details, but she pretty much lied about everything about herself. Who she was; What she did for a living; the fact that her son was not her son; etc...

I found out the hard way, through other people, the truth about her. But, in finding out this truth, I grew more attached to her because I saw her through my eyes in a different light. I saw her as a loving and giving mother; as a responsible daughter; and as an hard working individual. I guess what they say is true because "love does make you blind." I pushed away all the bad stuff and only looked at the good stuff. I discarded all the advices my close friends gave to me about her. They told me she was "bad news" from the get go. I was even willing to give up my family because they did not approve of the fact she was a single mother.

Well, from when I met her from day 1, we had talked about how she wanted to move here to California with me. This was supposed to happen in a few weeks from now when she graduated from school. Being the optimist that I am, I forgave her for previous lies because I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I believed in my heart that things would change once we were finally going to be together here.

I always knew and felt that I loved her and put in much more in the relationship then she did. But, my love for her was so great, that I didn't care. This was the first girl I truly fell in love with. I've had many gfs that I "cared" for, but never really loved.

But as fate would have it, I started having these "feelings" lately of her distancing herself from me. Because of what had happened in the past, I never really trusted her. Now what kind of relationship is that if I can't even trust the person I loved more then anything in the world. Anyways, for whatever reason, fate led me to call her cell phone yesterday. Fate also led me to check her voicemail for any messages. She had given me the code to her cell phone before because of trust issues. Well sure enough, there were 4 saved messages from the same guy. They were planning on meeting up soon somewhere but I didn't know where.

As I tried to confront her about this, she denied any knowing of this guy. After I told her I heard the messages, she started saying how I didn't need to know who he was. Then, she covered her lies with even more lies saying how this guy was a job recruiter who was interviewing her. Well to that I asked her why a recruiter would call her at 12:30 at night. Also, why a recruiter would talk about everyday life with her and why he would specifically tell her about his itenaray. Anyways, she hung up on me a few times which infuriated me even more. I didn't want to end things on a sour note.

Well being in the condition I was. I wanted revenge. I wanted to make her feel as horrible as I was feeling. I gave her a chance to come clean with me and even specifically told her several times in our conversation. So, I changed her voicemail so that my voice and message was on there. I said something to the fact that "whoever is cheating on my gf this is her bf and if you want to talk give me a call." Then, I called up her parents and thanked them for all their kindness towards me whenver I visited them. I told them that I would not be helping their daughter look for a job in CA anymore because she was cheating on me with another guy. I also told them of all the lies and deceit she had put me through.

I thought I would get a sense of gratification by receiving an email from her this morning saying " Thank you for ruining my life." But, I did love this girl and I feel pretty low right now. I always told her that the only thing I wanted was for her and her son to be happy. If I wasn't the guy that could provide that, then let me know so that she could find someone that could. Well, I really do hope and wish with all my heart that she will one day find that happiness. I had planned a surprise visit next week to spend time with her for her birthday. I have since cancelled those plans. I just hope she grows up soon because she will be turning 26. Anyways, I really do wish her the best in life. I want to thank anyone (and apologize) for reading this. I just needed to get my thoughts out.

gregstevens

Dude, you are so much better off without that kind of crap going on in your life. Liars don't make good bedfellows...and relationships are built on trust and respect. She obviously had none of that for you. It's too bad that her son will probably grow up and be a conniving sack of poo like she is...

Not that you asked for advice, but man, she doesn't deserve you. It may be hard, but move on and good riddance, I say! Let her go off and screw up that other guy's life...that should be satisfaction enough for you!!!

Aft3rburn

I totally agree with what Greg said above...You are too good for her, even though you love her. Being as naieve and stupid as I am, I would give her "one last" try...I would tell her that I will give her one more last try, to end the lies and deceit, and if she steps out of line, I'm gone.. I'm sure you did have great moments with her, obviously you did.

MHK S2000

Down the road when you look back, you will be happier that she did not move out to Cali, had a child with her, and then having her cheat on you.....then child support! Atleast now you can move on with a 'clean sheet,' even though the emotional healing will take time.

gregstevens

You are FAR too kind, Aft3rburn. I would be so gone, it's not even funny...!

One more chance? Not a chance!

I'm betting the sex was amazing and that's what has confused things...you don't have to answer that, but that is my gut feeling. Sex and love are totally different things...

Of course, this is just my opinion and it's subject to change at any given moment for no apparent reason whatsoever...

JRM

Remindes me of a song "Looking For Love"! Bottom line, it did'nt start out on the up and up! Relationships go down hill from there. I've been married 27 years to my lovely wife and I've always come clean with her. Sometimes it's been tough. We married because of a basis of love, honor, and truth. We've placed nothing between that love for all this time. She is a soul mate and I don't have to ask her what she's doing cause we confide in one another. I knew it the day I met her so did she. We were both very young but she made me click. I guess I made her click too!

Learned something, didn't you? There is no love based on lies. There is no trust based in deceit. There is no honor in contempt. Love is not blind, if it is truly love based on moralistic values. This is why most marriages end so miserably! It's tough work being a lover, father, friend, and husband. It's got to work both ways or it won't.

I'm not knocking you just hoping that you learned a valuable lesson. Sometimes they come hard, sometimes easy! The sooner we learn the less pain we have to endure. Your pain will evaporate quickly as soon as you realize that there was no love in this. Only companionship! Being close with someone is one thing. A loving relationship is another. Yes, love hurts sometimes. But not as much as lies. She was looking for a companion not a husband. You were not there so she found another one. She has a child and is looking for a father only because she's tired of doing everything on her own. Having no fun! Well, having a child is fun! Seeing a child grow into a responsible adult is a blessing. She's not ready for a husband or a child. She has a tough life ahead of her. I hope she finds what she wants.

Don't look so hard for a soul mate. They come easy! Just ask the right person. In the mean time don't be hard on yourself! Just learn and change. Sounds easy because it is. What do you have to loose? You know what the defination of insanity is? Doing the same thing over and over the same way and expecting it to change by itself! Your ok! Just smile and let it go! Life is good man, don't let this get you down. Remember this, you didn't loose anything cause you never had it! Loss is about loosing something meaningful and dear. But you got to have it first before you can loose it. Grief is about loss. You shouldn't be grieving. Get it?

Cheers

Jeff

mYuuki

How was she in bed? I mean if she's not the committed type why not get a good lay once in awhile

Seriously I think that you did the right thing by leaving her. A new hot AZN girl will cheer you up

Psicho54

I've also been through a very similar situation that you have gone through. It was my first true love, and same thing ... she was cheating on me. I know it makes you very sad and angry at the same time ... trust me I know how it feels like. Believe that things happen for a reason, and although you loved her more than anything, she was not the right one for you. This world is filled with many opportunities ... don't think anything is over yet, cuz there are plenty of girls out there.

You want a relationship that is built on trust, and trust alone. The person who you love and trust and the same time is the person to keep, and she'll come along in your life soon enough. Being depressed won't help anything ... just make sure you get the important things in life done. Unnecessary stress is bad for the heart, so relax and go about your daily stuff and take long, breathtaking drives in your S2000.

If you need someone to talk to or anything who has shared a similar experience, just email me or PM me.

(and by the way, a little revenge doesn't hurt ... no worries dude)

Rowland

I think it is a good thing you foundout now rather than later. It is best to move on and wait for the right person.

For many years and years as a single man I never thought I would meet someone that stopped me dead in my tracks like my wife has. At first sight I knew the deal, settled down, and got married. There is a big difference in the feeling of lust verses love and you will know when it hits you.

Of course on the lighter side, once you do fall in love and get married you will learn how comfortable a dog house really is.

JRM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Rowland
[B]I think it is a good thing you foundout now rather than later.