Lately, PennDOT has been doing a lot of worthless construction on the highway I take to work. They close off one of the 2 lanes of traffic for a 5 mile stretch to spray tar onto the massive cracks so they dont expand. Now in my opinion, this is simply a feeble attempt at fixing the real problem. Not only does my paint get tar residue on it, but it slows me down! Couple that with the Nation's second worst drivers (Massachusets being #1) from NJ camping in the passing lane, my commute can be quite painful. Sometimes it literally is quite painful. My bowel movements are on a precise schedule. I usually have to go right around 9:45am. This makes going at my house before I leave uncomfortable (nobody likes forcing something out prematurely) and it also makes waiting in traffic a literal pain in the ass. Since I have to be at work by 10am, things can get hairy.

When I finally get to work, first thing I do is disarm the alarm and visit the restroom/cleaning supplies/storage room. Before I make my "deposit", I have to spray off the toilet seat with something powerful like clorox bleach (if we have it) to remove the stray pubic hairs and piss stains on the seat from our lovely clientelle. Sometimes when clorox is not available I have to settle with windex. As you all know windex doesnt really clean anything, so I try to avoid that situation if at all possible. While I drop my deuce, I sometimes read the news on my blackberry again or count the strands on the mop that ominously stares at me as it hangs on the wall. After what usually turns out to be a very satisfying crap, I proceed to open the store.

Opening a Verizon store is a complicated and intricate task that when viewed by the casual onlooker often seems daunting. First, I have to unlock the two doors. Then I have to vault myself up on a Ikea stool to plug in the open signs hanging above the doors. I work in a ghetto Verizon store, so there are no switches for these signs. Im hoping to one day slip and fall and collect unemployment. After the doors are open and the signs are on, its time for me to sit back in my swivel chair and wait for customers...

 

Black & Decker. Not sure what model it is but it has this little water reservior that creates steam. Its pretty badass.

 

This story is crap. You obviously haven't included your morning fap time. Additionally, you should consider brushing your teeth and putting on some deodorant in the morning. You'd probably have more friends if you didn't have stank-ass pits and dragon breath.

But hey, at least your hair is clean

 

[QUOTE=drewmob,Oct 16 2009, 10:02 AM] This story is crap.

 

 

Crap, it's like a wreck on the 405 I can't help but look.

 

that is a beautiful story

 

Wtf, am I the only one that gets a serious burning sensation when using Old Spice deodorant?

Anyway, I'm sure someone here can come up with some evidence that morning fappage could actually be better for you than a good breakfast. Something about getting your blood circulation going.

 

It's "deodorant."

 

my bad