Hey guys.. My wife and I are having a baby and are scheduled to find out the sex two weeks from now. Tonight my wife had told me that her mother (my mother in law) and her grandmother want to come down and go with us to the appointment to find out what the baby is. At first I was kind of "whatever about it" but after thinking it over I feel like its almost a bit intrusive as we can just tell them afterwards.. I feel like my wife and I should celebrate together being we made this baby together and will be raising it together. I don't wanna have to get through two people before I can get to my wife and have that special moment as a parent.

Am I wrong for feeling this way?

The only reason I'm even asking this is because I have a bit of a grudge against her mother in particular for trying to control my wifes finances. I found out and gave her a piece of mind and it was all fixed and taken care of.. However I never forgot and I feel as if I may need to nip my control freak of a mother in law in the bud now before the shit really begins to hit the fan later in life after the kid is here. I'm not a controlling person at all, I just don't care much for sharing the more precious moments that I feel are for "us" rather than them.

The pregnancy itself obviously would be different. That is more of a family affair with relatives/siblings and so on. I just wanna be fair to myself and my wife.. Btw she doesn't care whether they are there or not so It's not her giving me a hard time.

Thoughts?

 

Have the special moment with you and your wife, but drop the grudge for the mother in law. Your wifes family is now yours, as yours are hers. Thats my thoughts

 

It sounds like you already made up your mind to enjoy your new family member with just you and your wife! I would say leave them out of it...Coincidently, my best friend is the 1st of my close friends to have one and he was born a week ago...His in laws flew in town the next day or two which gave him time to have his moment but also allowed them to share it with the rest of the family. Keep in mind, your in-laws may come in handy those days you need a babysitter or someone to watch the kiddo so it would be beneficial to try and make things work...

 

I hear you both. I agree, I'd never want them to be excluded from the kids life at any point but being this is both of ours first child I want the experience to be between us for at least this. I think she sort of even feels the same way but just won't come out and say it.

How I feel about her mother probably won't change much but this stems from even much more than I discussed. I won't get into details but lets just say my wife had a very rough life growing up and and my MOL didn't make it any easier on her until she was able to do for herself already. She knows it, I know it and I never let that thought escape my mind when I'm around her although I do my best to hide it.

I just didn't know at the time if I was making a selfish decision when I told her how I felt about it. Thanks for the 02. guys!

 

This! Good luck!

 

Mother in law = EVIL! Next thing you know she will be filling the wifes head with how you mistreat her, arent doing enough for her, arent good enough for her etc etc etc....

Ive never been married personally, but last girl I was engaged to 8 years ago, her and the dude she married got divorced 9 months later because of the exact same shit I left her for FTMFW!

 

Set boundaries for all the (future grand-)parents. . . setting boundaries is something you're going to be doing a lot for the next 18 or so years anyway.

 

For all you mother-in-law haters:

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. To no avail, she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head “no” and mumble a reply. Very curious about this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.The farmer replied "The women would say 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'Can I borrow that mule?' and I would shake my head and say 'Can't. He's all booked up for a year.'"

 

Hahaha nice!

 

My mother in law can be invasive some times and speak her mind before thinking about what she says. Never the less as mentioned they have been great to watch our kids so the wife and I can have our date nights. Her dad is my best friend as he is in to cars and we go to the RC track together. So all in all we have a good relationship. That being said with all of my kids they have respected that we go ourselves to things like that. So she should respect your decision even if she doesnt like it.