Who has gone through a divorce?

How did you get over the emotions? The stress? The feeling of failure? Seeing the ex with some one new, especially an ugly girl with a gap in her teeth?

 

it'd be worse if kids were around. but the financial hit sucks.

 

To answer your question, YES. Yes I have been divorced. The worst day of my life (literally) was the day I came home from work to an empty house (again literally) with a note on the fridge saying "I want a divorce". I was lucky enough that it wasn't because of "someone else" though. My best advice about getting through any break up, divorce or less severe, is that time heals all wounds. There is no magical cure that's going to make you feel good today. The transition has always been the hardest for me. Both directions. When I've been single for a long time... and someone new comes into my life... I feel just as awkward as when someone leaves my life. So the best thing to do is look forward. Past the transition. Have a goal... have fun... do all the things that having someone by your side didn't let you do. And try not to be too bitter. Try not to compromise the person you are by being mean about it. These are both things I failed at. I am an asshole now... distrusting and a few other things. It keeps me safe from being hurt again though. Try not to be like me.

 

It's natural to build walls when you've been hurt in the past. You don't want it to happen again so you're extra wary, even in situations where you really don't need to be.

 

How can you be so certain about the advice you give (very good by the way), but also so certain about not following it?

 

Been there and done that....You just have to take it one day at a time...At first, you do go into a little shell but eventually time does heal all things and you realize that you still have a lot to look forward to and live for. It took me almost 2 years before I thought about even dating again...

 

Someone great once said "We are all but the sum of our experiences". And in some regard I believe that to be true. But we also choose certain paths for ourselves in that when an experience happens we choose which direction to go after it. I chose one direction. 7 years later this is where I am. Looking back and realizing I compromised the person I once was by being bitter. I'm happy... but not altogether happy about compromising myself. Not happy about dragging my divorce through the past 7 years. It was my thought that this wisdom of someone who has "been there, done that" might help another who is just starting the journey.

EDIT: One more think for Evilkittie: This may not be your thing... or you may already have pets... but after my divorce I adopted a puppy. He filled a very big void in what would have been a very lonely house. He's still with me to this very day. Companionship can be filled in many ways. And it was nice to come home to someone? who was eager to have you home everyday. Anyway, it helped me.

 

Our marriage was over well before we seperated. (And I know bryan is reading this) The reality of this has set in, yesterday, we actually filed the paperwork. In my heart, deep down, despite the misery i've been in for half this marriage (of almost 3 years) I kinda wanted it to work, i didn't want to feel like a failure, a statistic. I wanted to have a family, 2 dogs, 2 Hondas, The American Dream.

He's said things that blow my mind, hurt me emotionally, mentally. I'm drained mentally from the anguish he's thrown me through. The words he typed were unbearable to see, but something i needed to know. I snooped through his e-mail and started reading, maybe a bad thing? I found out the truth. I was not prepared to ride this emotional rollercoaster. I was hoping this could be simple- it's not.

I moved on 6 months ago, to some one better, more attentive, more affectionate, even though i'm not used to this because i haven't had it in 2 1/2 years, some one who loves me, treats me like gold, cares about ME, cares about what is current in my life, cares about my feelings, and treats them with respect. I'm going through this emotional parade, and I'm bringing him down with me- which seeing how i am hurting him is hurting me more. It's a neverending cycle, and I was just hoping to see how some people delt with divorce.

Bryan won't let me have a puppy, I wanted a chihuahua

 

Been there, done that also. Mine was under bad circumstances. My Ex was having an affair for about 6 months and had previous affairs. I kicked her out and we both agreed to leave with what we brought into the relationship. We didn't involve lawyers and the divorce was final in 4-5 months. We were together 9 years ( dating 7.5, married 1.5) and at age 28 that was the greater part of my adult life. It was tough but like the post above says - time heals all wounds. I focused on the things I couldn't do when married. I enjoyed being single, I traveled and went to grad school - although it wasn't all easy. We split in Jan 2000 and now I'm remarried with an MBA and a hot wife that I'm crazy about. In a weird way it feels good to have been knocked down and gotten back up stronger than ever. I really grew up during that time!

My advice would be to rip the bandaid off as fast as you can - don't tear it off slowly and painfully. Don't blow up and treat the other person like crap - somehow its all half your fault anyway. In the end your dignified way of handling things will only earn you more respect.

Best luck,

-Stephen

 

Do you know why divorces cost so much? Cuz they're worth it.

My ex and I seperated a week before Christmas a few years ago. It was pretty tough. But my stepdad gave me some advice. He said go out and do something fun just for yourself every day. And I did. I was pretty happy with myself so being by myself after being in the relationship 10 years (married 6 years). The hardest part for me was the bitterness and anger. When it comes to signing papers and arranging details, it always seemed to disentegrate into a shouting match. It didn't help that her dad was a prominant attorney (boy, did I get screwed).

My story has a happy ending. I'm now with my high school sweetheart and we've bought a house and are engaged (I'm 32). We have been together 2 1/2 years now. I'm happier than I've ever been. Its like a fairy tale. There is a reason for everything. Things will work themselves out in time.

Just go and do the things that you enjoy doing. Go out and have some fun. Go on a vacation. Take a trip. Do what makes YOU happy.