divorce help.... blaaa
Former Moderator
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 8,821
Likes: 5
From: Jacksonville, FL
Hey Scot...really sorry to hear. No matter the reason, divorce is an unhappy process. Mine was painful even though it was pretty amicable...we were both fair in the division of assets and we didn't have kids.
8D said to listen to your lawyer. AMEN! Your lawyer is the only person thinking objectively and rationally on your behalf...even if you believe you are thinking rationally, you're probably not. And unless you have been through as many divorce proceedings as your attorney has, then you don't have the expertise to take your own advice. Court is not about what seems fair to you...it is about what the law allows.
Someone said not to involve your kids. This is probably the hardest thing for any person to do. But DO IT. My folks divorced when I was 8...so here is my perspective. You're kids are going through the divorce right along with you...and it is not a situation of their making or choice. They are scared, angry and depressed just like you. And worse, they are sponges learning how to behave as adults by watching you and your wife now. I am very grateful that my parents never used me as a pawn in their divorce. They never talked baddly about each other in front of me and they were always at least cordial with each other in my presence. And I have to hand it to my mom for pulling that off, because I now know that she totally loathed my dad for a time. They always worked together in raising me. Later they became good friends...to the point that my younger half brothers call my mom "Aunt" and my mom & step mom are friends.
Your kids are probably asking the same question I did: "why is this happening?" And it took years for me to realize that it wasn't just one parent's fault...it takes 2 to get married and it takes 2 to get divorced. In the end, I couldn't blame either more than the other. Something I came to appreciate more when my own divorce became immanent.
If your lawyer says stay put...do it. My folks lived together for at least 4mo after they broke the news. If you've already told your kids (not sure how old they are), don't let them be lulled into thinking that the divorce is not happening. But don't be cruel about reminding them either.
Do NOT let her drive you out of your kids' lives after you no longer live together...you will regret it later. Keep your promises to your kids where visitation is concerned. Don't be late for pick-up or drop off.
I know child support appears to go to your ex. Unless your ex actually hates her children, really does end up for the kid's benefit. Think about how much of your total family income goes to your children. Then realize that she is merely the custodian of how the money is spent. If she is a poor custodian, then you should petition to be the custodial parent. If you really feel you cannot trust her and your attorney agrees, go for joint custody.
DO NOT BE AFRAID TO GET COUNSELING. Or meds for depression. Just because you are a guy, it doesn't make you less of a man to seek and accept professional help in this area.
Good luck...
8D said to listen to your lawyer. AMEN! Your lawyer is the only person thinking objectively and rationally on your behalf...even if you believe you are thinking rationally, you're probably not. And unless you have been through as many divorce proceedings as your attorney has, then you don't have the expertise to take your own advice. Court is not about what seems fair to you...it is about what the law allows.
Someone said not to involve your kids. This is probably the hardest thing for any person to do. But DO IT. My folks divorced when I was 8...so here is my perspective. You're kids are going through the divorce right along with you...and it is not a situation of their making or choice. They are scared, angry and depressed just like you. And worse, they are sponges learning how to behave as adults by watching you and your wife now. I am very grateful that my parents never used me as a pawn in their divorce. They never talked baddly about each other in front of me and they were always at least cordial with each other in my presence. And I have to hand it to my mom for pulling that off, because I now know that she totally loathed my dad for a time. They always worked together in raising me. Later they became good friends...to the point that my younger half brothers call my mom "Aunt" and my mom & step mom are friends.
Your kids are probably asking the same question I did: "why is this happening?" And it took years for me to realize that it wasn't just one parent's fault...it takes 2 to get married and it takes 2 to get divorced. In the end, I couldn't blame either more than the other. Something I came to appreciate more when my own divorce became immanent.
If your lawyer says stay put...do it. My folks lived together for at least 4mo after they broke the news. If you've already told your kids (not sure how old they are), don't let them be lulled into thinking that the divorce is not happening. But don't be cruel about reminding them either.
Do NOT let her drive you out of your kids' lives after you no longer live together...you will regret it later. Keep your promises to your kids where visitation is concerned. Don't be late for pick-up or drop off.
I know child support appears to go to your ex. Unless your ex actually hates her children, really does end up for the kid's benefit. Think about how much of your total family income goes to your children. Then realize that she is merely the custodian of how the money is spent. If she is a poor custodian, then you should petition to be the custodial parent. If you really feel you cannot trust her and your attorney agrees, go for joint custody.
DO NOT BE AFRAID TO GET COUNSELING. Or meds for depression. Just because you are a guy, it doesn't make you less of a man to seek and accept professional help in this area.
Good luck...
Registered User
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 9,409
Likes: 0
From: Calgary
Originally Posted by JonBoy,Sep 25 2009, 07:51 AM
Mikey, where you been? Haven't seen you post in quite a while.
My girlfriend and I moved into a new place together so there's been that chaotic. I've been going at work pretty hard trying to drum up business for us with the economy not doing so well, but companies are still pretty hesitant to bring in third parties for recruitment while they're having success internally.All going well south of the border for you?
Sorry for the threadjack.
Registered User
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 4,281
Likes: 0
From: N. Tx.
Oh great - we are supposed to be cheering up Scot and it turns into a canadian group hug(notice only 2 people 
)
Scot - MOVE OUT! The $$ comes and goes but the stress and frustration of being in a failed marraige isn't worth it!! I figured you guys tried to work it and it isn't happening. MOVE OUT!!
P.S. I will buy your S2000 track car for $100
- you know I'm just trying to help you reduce your assets!
)Scot - MOVE OUT! The $$ comes and goes but the stress and frustration of being in a failed marraige isn't worth it!! I figured you guys tried to work it and it isn't happening. MOVE OUT!!
P.S. I will buy your S2000 track car for $100
- you know I'm just trying to help you reduce your assets!
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 17,288
Likes: 39
From: Nashville
Originally Posted by MDXLuvr,Sep 26 2009, 06:32 AM
P.S. I will buy your S2000 track car for $100 - you know I'm just trying to help you reduce your assets!
- you know I'm just trying to help you reduce your assets!