Saw this article regarding a book called "For Better or for Worse: Divorce Reconsidered". Discusses that children of divorced parents turn out better than originally thought (back in the 70s), and how divorce can often lead to better lives for all involved rather than worse.

My opinion on this is twofold. First, I think it's too easy to get married, or perhaps people take it too lightly and jump in without much thought. The reality of living with someone for 50+ years is pretty hard to fathom, and to expect to do that happily even harder. Marrying someone you've known for only a few months is downright foolish. And a guy marrying a girl because she's pregnant with his kid might be just as bad, even though they have a good mindset.

Second, I think a lot of the problems with divorces are a result of our set-in-stone rules on how things get divied up. Particularly the "rule" that the mother almost always gets the kids, whether she is a good parent or not. It's a tough pill to swallow when your ex-spouse who couldn't keep a plant alive gets to raise your mutual children, and you get to visit on weekends. Also, the 50/50 split of things is questionable, as is how child support payments are determined. And a lot of parents put their kids in the middle and use them as tools to get the material possesions that they want, or to hurt their soon-to-be ex. Divorce is a relatively new concept, yet the courts seem completely unwilling to let the system evolve.

Thoughts/opinions?

 

I think it's definately healthier for the kids if the parents aren't getting along and they get a divorce. However it takes two "adults" to make a clean and healthy break (without mud slinging) and they both need to continue being involved in the children's lives. My $.02

 

Please don't be too quick to generalize. I met my wife in January, 1979. We were engaged in April, 1979 and married in December, 1979. We just celebrated out 23rd anniversary.

Obviously I'm not saying this is typical. But to say that what we did is " . . . downright foolish" is equally inaccurate.

 

Cost me $1,000 to get divorced and $40,000 to keep joint custody. I think my daughter is better off but I'm not sure she would be if I'd been pushed to the side.

I'm the only person I know who won court-ordered joint custody and one of the few men that won in court (mostly under male judges.)

 

I agree with magician and we're coming up on 30th.

 

Magician (and possibly Raptor): You were with your wife for nearly a year before marrying, and I am pretty sure that you are in the minority that you and your wife's marriage lasted so long. Nearly every marriage based on a short term relationship (that I knew of) has failed, sometimes abruptly and painfully. I stand by my statement, but will amend it to be "Marrying someone you've known for only a few months is generally foolish and usually results in a failed marriage."

Congrats to both of you on your long succesful marriages. I must point out to magician that you and your wife either celebrated your 22nd anniversary, or else were married in Dec 1978

 

I dated my ex-wife from Jan '90 to May '94. Separated in Aug 97 and divorced in Oct '98. So, in my case, dating for an extended period didn't matter much either.

"Successful Divorce" -- Oxymoron?

I'm not sure that length of dating has anything to do with a successful marriage. It's the two people that make it work. Successful marriages are usually the result of two people that know what they are getting into and willing to stick through the thick and thin. Through the times when you are in and out of love with your spouse. It's so easy to get a divorce that most people find it easier to get a divorce then to stick with the marriage. I've actaully heard my mother say at times that she hated my dad but a month later they are like peas in a pod and inseparable.

 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by magician
[B]

Please don't be too quick to generalize.

 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by CRitchie
[B]"Successful Divorce" --