Karen lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of her mourning stage. Her daughter is constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Karen says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replies: "Mom! I have someone for you to meet. Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. Their first night there, she undresses as he does. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties, he in his birthday suit.
Looking at her he asks: "Why the black panties?" She replies: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning." He knows he's not getting lucky that night.
The following night the same scenario. She's standing there with the black panties on, and he is in his birthday suit ... except that he is wearing a black condom. She looks at him and asks: "What's with this .... a black condom?"
He replies: "I want to offer my deepest condolences."

 

That's a good one.

 

LOL

 

one more..

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His horse has already died of thirst. He's crawling through the sand,certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden, he sees anobject sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing an Internal Revenue Service ID badge and a dull gray dress. There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.
"Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how I work. You have three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this." Says the man, "I'm not going to trust an IRS auditor genie."
"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"
The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink."
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."
***POOF***
The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
"OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes, the man says.. "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."
***POOF***
He is turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story: If the government offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached.

 

 

That one is definitely better, hahaha.

 

 

lmao.

 

HAHAHA, ROTFLMAO!!!!

 

HAHA!