Okay, I am coming to a point where I feel that I am ready to settle down however, the way I feel might first lead you to believe that I am not but here's my reasoning and fear. I was hoping some of you guys might have been in a similar situation and have felt this way.

I've been dating this girl at work for about 3 months. Things are going great. We are mature adults and do a great job separating our professional life with our private life. She is originally from California but moved east to move with her job. She's 26 and I'm 27. I've dated a ton of girls so I do have a good idea on what I want in a future wife. In almost all relationships I've been in, I've always had the upper hand in terms of emotions and never let any girl get too close to me. That was because no other girl really had it all. However, this girl is amazing!!! She has all of the qualities I've ever wanted in a girl. She's beautiful, smart, active, outgoing, successful, and articulate. She is my equal in every way!!We spend every weekend together and have a great time!! She still has her guard up as do I because we've both been disappointed and have a very pessimistic outlook on relationships. I understand her way of thinking because my way is exactly the same. It's frustrating because I want to comfort her and tell her how I feel and that I would not hurt her. She feels the same way (so she says). Our plans for the future and what we are looking for are the same.

Even though I think this girl is great, I am afraid to let my guard down because if I do, it will completely crush me if it doesn't work out. So the other alternative to do is to see other girls on the side and divert some of my attention away from her. That will help keep my wall up. I don't know how long she will have this wall up but I am afraid that I am wasting my time. She tells me all the time she cares about me and doesn't want to date anymore.

Am I jumping the gun here? I am not sure what I should do. It may be the first time in a long time where the girl will have the upper hand on the relationship and I will turn into this supersensitive guy (and I want to avoid it). It really scares the crap out of me!! What do you guys think??? Thanks in advance for the advice.

 

see that's a toughy because things are going so well. and most of us have been in dickass relationships. all i can say is, if you don't let yourself fly up into the clouds and shit hits the fan, you won't hurt as much since you won't fall from such a high place.

i'd do what you intended to do which was not spend as much time with her and give attention to other chicks. she may seem like the one, but there's gonna be that girl who will give you a little more no matter how small of an improvement she may be over this one.

 

The best thing you could probably do is show her what you just wrote and ask for a candid response.

 

lol, that'll work.

 

I kinda liked you untill I read this ^

First, 3 months is not a long time.
2nd, unless you let your gaurd down and let someone in, you are not giving 100% of yourself and thus, you are compramising some form of the relationship. TRUST me it is the hardest thing to do, and to keep doing it after continued dissapointments, BUT if you dont, you may just let someone slip by because of it. You can let your wall down, but still keep a piece of you to keep you strong if something doesnt work out. I gave it all away once, and I got crushed beyond what I could have ever imagined and yes, it sucks and hurts beyond anyones imagination, Ill still never be the same due to it, SO all I can tell you is keep a piece of you for you, you are the only one who will not let you down. ~kinda a run on sentence sorry

If you are remotely thinking of seeing other girls to divert your attention, then you already have your answer: You are not ready.

 

Live and learn.

If it works out, great. If not, it's not the end of the world.

Sorry to be so blunt, but I think you're making it a bigger deal than it is.

 

If you are constantly worrying about getting hurt.. then why get into any relationships??? The whole point of finding that one true love is opening up your heart for the hurt and the love. If you really like this girl and then go out with other girls just so YOUR wall doesn't come down then you are just being stupid. And when she finds out she's gonna think you are a dick (sorry for being blunt) for hurting her. Haven't you thought that maybe she has a wall up, because YOU DO!? Think about it. Open yourself up and let her see a little bit more of YOU and when she does, she'll let you see a little bit more of herself (Do NOT even think perverted on this!!).

Good Luck and as the saying goes "Love like you've never been hurt before, Dance like no one is watchin...." (or how ever that exactly goes! )

 

To be honest, if this girl was the one for you and you felt like she could be the future Mrs. Mister2, then you wouldn't be asking for opinions on the internet.. it would be something you felt without a doubt.

Otherwise, wanting the opinions of others is in a sense trying to convince yourself of something that isn't necessarily true.

 

pics?

 

lol