djohnston

OK I have a dilema, and I'm open to any advice/input/suggestions anyone, male or female, can provide for me.

The other day I returned to my girlfriend's house in the morning after spending the night at my apartment, some 32 miles away. I immediately noticed a strong cigarette smell in the downstairs bathroom, and I think I saw the remains of some ashes in the sink.

Then I noticed that the new sheets we'd been sleeping on for only four days were in the dryer, meaning of course they'd just been washed (after only four days, no sex.)

So now I'm suspicious, and I go into the garbage that's been tied up and put in the garage garbage can on it's way out of the house. Well-buried in the garbage bag I find about 50 shrimp tails, much more than I've ever seen my woman eat in one sitting. Also in the same garbage bag, I find the torn-up box from a brand new tube of KY jelly. Then in my woman's nighstand drawer I find the actual tube of KY, just slightly emptied. So when she gets home that night, I asked why the downstairs bathroom smells like cigarettes, and she dismissed the odor as coming from the washing machine, but it smelled to me like cigarettes. So I check her cell phone, and see that she called her bosses cell at 5:40 PM on the previous evening, which is just about when she normally gets home from work. And I can't imagine her calling her bosses cell phone for any reason after the end of the business day, other than to say "hi my boyfriend isn't here, c'mon over".

So.... Has anyone heard of any use for KY jelly besides the obvious? Do people put it on cold sores or anything like that?

We've been together for three and a half years, and I love her dearly, but lately we haven't been terribly affectionate with each other and I have to wonder if she's seeking sexual satisfaction elsewhere.

bayarea408

1. i dont think people use KY jelly for common cold sore. (Herpies simplex B).
2. did you ask her about the KY jelly??
3. how much do you trust her?
4. being with her for the past 3 1/2 years, have you noticed anything funny going on recently?
5. all these things you found, you should tell her and confont her and see what her reasoning is.

oh, and another thing, 4 days (NO SEX) that sounds fishy too!


personally, to me, it sounds rather fishy...but you sure have good detective work
if she is cheating on your, the hell with her... a cheat is always a cheat..

XTC at 9K

That's a toughy! If you confront her...You have to be prepared for the worst!!

djohnston

All true bayarea408.

I didn't want to ask her about anything but the cigarette smell, because that was very obvious. Anything else I question her about will let on that I think something is going on, and I'm not ready to force a potentially relationship-ending confrontation until I'm sure of myself.

I've never been suspicious of her before this happened, but I have met her boss whom I think may be the one (we took him to dinner) and he's a good-looking man, Polish immigrant, highly intelligent and I know he's already given her one gift, a CD recording of the musical work Carmina Burana by Carl Orff. Written in the cd liner was "To (her name) from Andrew". So why would her boss be giving her presents unless he thought he had a shot at getting into her pants?

And there were more phone calls to him and from him logged in her phone, one call to him was at 10:30 PM last Friday night, again highly suspicious. Since I pay her cell phone bill, I plan to peruse it carefully when it comes to find out exactly what other times they spoke and for how long.

To be honest, most of my friends think she's cheating (based on what I've said), but I really need proof before I can ask her about it.

I'm hoping that if I play dumb, she'll give me more evidence, but it's really difficult not to have it out with her right now, such is my anger. I'm still working on the detective stuff angle, I know his number so if I can get his address, I can perhaps stake out his place and watch for her car. She doesn't have much time away from me, except for work, so I have a good idea of when to watch for suspicious activity.

Now to show how shallow I really am, one of my biggest concerns about breaking up with her, is that at her place is a garage to keep my S2K in! Without her my car is exposed to the elements. Boy am I vain.

bayarea408

there must be more to this... why the hell would a boss call that late at night.. is the boss married??
better confront her sooner than later. you dont want to look like a fool and get played like a 2 dollar who$%..
but you know, after being with her for that long. if she is cheating on you then you must notice atleast something different in her. how long has she been working with this boss?

i have gone out with numerous girls and never cheated on anyone of them while together because i feel like if i have to cheat, then there is something wrong with the relationship, so why bother being together. just end it and let it be. no one is getting any younger here so why waste each others time and youth.

welp, good luck to you and your decisions.

you can also contact that show CHEATERS and really get her

XTC at 9K

well, I'm sure how far you are willing to go to get the truth...Hire a P.I. , install a hidden camera, follow her around yourself...These are kinda the extremes! But I'm sure these things will find the answers you are looking for!

djohnston

The boss is married, but his wife and two daughters live back in Poland, he only goes home to see them twice a year.

The only thing different is that she and I have been arguing a lot ever since she started this job six weeks ago. She commutes 57 miles each way to Newark, NJ, and if you know anything about NJ, you know Newark is the worst. So she works long hours, then has a hideous evening commute and when she gets home she's in such a crappy mood that we do nothing but fight. So since she and I haven't been intimate ever since she started this job, my feeling is that she's getting some on the side.

So you guys think confronting her now is best? What if she has plausibly thought-out excuses for everything and she hides it even better next time? She's very intelligent, and if she wanted to pull off some kind of deception she would think it through until every detail was perfect.

djohnston

Yes thanks XTC I'm going to work some of those angles, try to catch her when she thinks I won't be looking.

XTC at 9K

I think thats the only way to get "HARD PROOF" that your looking for!

bayarea408

the best way to catch her is to buy a hidden cam and put it in the bedroom, tell her your going on a trip with your friends..
you will definitely catch her in the act.