How did I get home.....
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 17,254
Likes: 75
From: VA
How did I get home.....
> >How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night of
> >drinking and thought, "How did I get home?"
> >
> >As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey
> >from the bar to your home. The answer to this puzzle is that you
> >used a beer scooter.
> >
> >The beer scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased
> >out to the drunk by Bacchus, the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has
> >branched out since the decrease in the worship of the Roman pantheon
> >and bought a large batch of these magical devices. The beer scooter
> >works in the following fashion:
> >
> >The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the
> >"slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of
> >his many sub-contractors detects the pheromone and sends down a
> >winged beer scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and
> >deposits them in their bedroom via a trans-dimensional portal. It is
> >not cheap to run a beer scooter franchise, so a large portion of the
> >passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This generates the
> >second question after a night out: "How did I spend so much money?"
> >
> >Beer scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be
> >responsible for 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries). An
> >undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time
> >segments during the trip. The nature of trans-dimensional portals
> >dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This
> >generates the third question after a night out: "What happened?"
> >
> >Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles cause the
> >scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending the
> >passenger to the wrong bedroom often with horrific consequences.
> >With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a
> >scooter drive-thru chain specializing in half-eaten kebabs and pizza
> >crusts. Another question answered!!
> >
> >For the family man, beer scooters come equipped with flowers picked
> >from other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot Boots. These boots are
> >designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe, you
> >are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity spring
> >ensure that you bump into every wall while the CTSGS (Coffee Table
> >Seeking Guidance System) explains the ring barked shins.
> >
> >The final add-in Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is
> >TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can
> >apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.
> >
> >P.S. Don't forget the on-board heater which allows you to get home
> >from the bar in sub-zero temperatures wearing just a t-shirt.
> >drinking and thought, "How did I get home?"
> >
> >As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey
> >from the bar to your home. The answer to this puzzle is that you
> >used a beer scooter.
> >
> >The beer scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased
> >out to the drunk by Bacchus, the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has
> >branched out since the decrease in the worship of the Roman pantheon
> >and bought a large batch of these magical devices. The beer scooter
> >works in the following fashion:
> >
> >The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the
> >"slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of
> >his many sub-contractors detects the pheromone and sends down a
> >winged beer scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and
> >deposits them in their bedroom via a trans-dimensional portal. It is
> >not cheap to run a beer scooter franchise, so a large portion of the
> >passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This generates the
> >second question after a night out: "How did I spend so much money?"
> >
> >Beer scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be
> >responsible for 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries). An
> >undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time
> >segments during the trip. The nature of trans-dimensional portals
> >dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This
> >generates the third question after a night out: "What happened?"
> >
> >Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles cause the
> >scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending the
> >passenger to the wrong bedroom often with horrific consequences.
> >With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a
> >scooter drive-thru chain specializing in half-eaten kebabs and pizza
> >crusts. Another question answered!!
> >
> >For the family man, beer scooters come equipped with flowers picked
> >from other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot Boots. These boots are
> >designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe, you
> >are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity spring
> >ensure that you bump into every wall while the CTSGS (Coffee Table
> >Seeking Guidance System) explains the ring barked shins.
> >
> >The final add-in Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is
> >TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can
> >apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.
> >
> >P.S. Don't forget the on-board heater which allows you to get home
> >from the bar in sub-zero temperatures wearing just a t-shirt.
