Sorry but I had to share these..... they have had me laughing for ages.....


I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought "he's trying to pull a
fast one".

So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said
Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He
said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack
myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was
Wedgie Kray.

So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said

 

What did the grapes say when the elephant stepped on them? They let out a whine.

 

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again. ' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road'.

 

DOH

 

Finally, someone who understands my jokes !!!!