Dear Santa, I wud lika a kool toy spce ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a
gud boy all yeer.

Yer Frend BiLLy


Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in
lawncare.

How about I send you a fvcking book so you can learn to read and
write?

I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least he can
spell.

Santa
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Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I
ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

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Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd
like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you
can do.

Love Teddy

Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen
door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to
your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
dream.

Let me get you some nice Legos instead.

Santa
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Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I.
Joes,a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis

Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're
gay.

Santa
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Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I
left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Susan

Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart
in my face when riding in the sleigh. Do me a favor . Leave me a bottle
of scotch.

Santa
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Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year?

Are you busy making toys?

Your friend Thomas

Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in
Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films.
I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of
cocktail waitresses while losing money at the crap table. Hey , you wanted
to know.

Santa
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Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know
when we're awake, like the song?

Love, Jessica.

Dear Jessica , Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever
you do.

I'm skipping your house.

Santa
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Dear Santa, Can I please, please, please, please, please have a
puppy?

Your friend Timmy.

Timmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that
crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa
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Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
into our home?

Love, Marky

Dear Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're
getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you
live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just
like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams, Santa

 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by NJTom2000
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Hilarious!

 

I think I know that Santa