If Santa answered his mail honestly...

Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas.
Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy
*****
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career
in lawn care. How about I send you a ****ing
book so you can learn to read and write? I'm
giving your older brother the space ranger. At
least HE can spell!
Santa


Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only
thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world
for everybody!
Love,
Sarah
*****
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you,
didn't they?
Santa


Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy
*****
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen
door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that
up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass
constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get
you some nice Legos instead.
Santa


Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I
left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan
*****
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart
in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do
me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa


Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you
busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas
*****
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in
Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget
porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and
squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing
money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa


Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know
when we're awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica
*****
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you
do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa


Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please
please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
*****
Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but
that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater
again.
Santa


Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into
our home?
Love,
Marky
*****
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're
getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't
live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex.
Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do,
through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

 

That's one mean Santa you have.
That ain't my Santa.
My Santa gives me cool toys.
I just got Gauntlets the Dark Legacy 4 nights ago.
That's a month early!!

 

That Santa has a bad attitude, no presents for him this year.

 

[COLOR=red]What a Santa ... MuHaHaHaHa! This is some good shit