jokes for sondra part 5
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From: Mountain View
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1. Why does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it's never used.
2. Why are men so happy?
Because ignorance is bliss.
3. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women?
Because when it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
4. If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building at the same
time,who would reach the ground first? The woman, the man would get lost.
5. How are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word either one of them says and they bothlast about 60 seconds.
6. How do men exercise at the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in abikini.
7. What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
8. What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature.
9. What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
10. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind. 2. No business.
11. What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.
12. If men got pregnant ....
Psychiatric Services and serious pain killers would be available inconvenience stores and drive-through windows.
13. Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at theOlympics?
He had it bronzed.
14. What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.
15. How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shakethe stove.
16. How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable."
17. Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.
18. What does a man consider to be quality time with his wife?
Pulling the sheets over her head and saying, "Great chili, Babe!"
19. A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of35 think of?
Dating children.
20. What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
21. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
22. Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
23. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
24. How is being at a singles bar different from going to thecircus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
25. What makes men chase women they have no intention ofmarrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention ofdriving.
26. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?
Exchange him.
27. Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.
28. Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work halfthe time.
29. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
30. What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.
1. Why does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it's never used.
2. Why are men so happy?
Because ignorance is bliss.
3. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women?
Because when it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
4. If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building at the same
time,who would reach the ground first? The woman, the man would get lost.
5. How are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word either one of them says and they bothlast about 60 seconds.
6. How do men exercise at the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in abikini.
7. What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
8. What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature.
9. What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
10. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind. 2. No business.
11. What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.
12. If men got pregnant ....
Psychiatric Services and serious pain killers would be available inconvenience stores and drive-through windows.
13. Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at theOlympics?
He had it bronzed.
14. What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.
15. How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shakethe stove.
16. How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable."
17. Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.
18. What does a man consider to be quality time with his wife?
Pulling the sheets over her head and saying, "Great chili, Babe!"
19. A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of35 think of?
Dating children.
20. What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
21. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
22. Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
23. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
24. How is being at a singles bar different from going to thecircus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
25. What makes men chase women they have no intention ofmarrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention ofdriving.
26. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?
Exchange him.
27. Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.
28. Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work halfthe time.
29. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
30. What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.
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From: Houston
Originally posted by Pueo
You wouldn't be referring to Mr. Donald "let's-see-how-many-times-I-can-wrap-this-one-strand-of-hair-around-my-head-and-fool-all-these-young-models-into-believing-I-have-a-full-head-of-hair" Trump, would you?
You wouldn't be referring to Mr. Donald "let's-see-how-many-times-I-can-wrap-this-one-strand-of-hair-around-my-head-and-fool-all-these-young-models-into-believing-I-have-a-full-head-of-hair" Trump, would you?
Also, who wants to be a Captain of Industry when you can be the Captain of the Starship Enterprise??
Mark
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tokyo_james
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Oct 22, 2002 08:17 PM