Hey,
I just wanted to write something because I just got hurt tonight by my EX.
Heres a story to fill you guys in....
There was this amazing guy that I met four years ago and after a couple of years of knowing each other we finally started to kind of fall for each other and start a relationship. Then a year passed by and we decided to end it and only be friends, because of all the arguements. Well we still were acting like a couple kissing, snuggling, just stuff like that...then whenever we had arguements, it pushed me further away from him, and then he'd say sweet things to me that would make me love him even more. Then we had a REAL bad arguement and I told him that I "Hated" him, which I really didn't mean because I can't hate him nomatter how hard I tried, and we stopped talking for a while.
Well about three days ago I got hit by a stupid guy that was driving an old beat up car, and what I mean by "I got hit"......I litterally got hit by the car. I decided to tell him about what happened and then he showed some sympathy towards me which made me feel good, then asked me to stay the night with him. I agreed to stay with him because he said he "Missed me" and I also missed him.
Well now tonight came around and I called him and then he got mad and hung up on me FOR NO REASON, so I was like WTF?????
Later I confronted him and he said that I was about to start "bitching" on the phone at him, which I have no clue what the hell he was talking about....well whenever I was trying to talk to him like a mature human being, all he could do was act like a smart ass and say immature remarks like "Yeah okay?" or something really stupid. I got to the point where I just had enough and told him what was on my mind at the time.
MAN I WAS PISSED OFF!!!!!!!!
Then I calmed down, and "tried" to talk to him again, and he still was acting like a 5yr old. Then a few hateful word were exchanged (Mostly from me) And then we both told each other to leave each other alone and never to talk to another EVER again.
I am soooo hurt because he seemed like he didn't give a damn about me, so I don't know how to handle all of this.
Should I apologize to him for saying mean things?
Or should I just go find another person who will actually give me what I need (Tender, Love, and Care)
This little story might sound a bit confusing but I if I wrote the whole entire story out then it'll take days to read.
I just need some advice right now because i'm really, really sad and deppressed.
Thanks!
~*~Julie~*~

 

I think you should let the situation cool down a bit first and see if he has anything to say about it. And at the same time, start looking for a new guy.

 

I agree with 720. However I hope you would change your post and remove the discriminating remark. Just because you were hit by one race, dont make them all bad. Besides, if you told him that, he may have been a bit pissed about it if he has friends of that race

Other then that, I would let it cool off. Just be friends. Maybe he is trying to push you away making it seem like its your fault since he is interesetd in someone else. My 2psi (from a woman's POV)

 

definitely take some time to cool off, and do not communicate with him.

now take a day to go be by yourself and do a little introspection. ask yourself some frank questions and be honest with yourself as to the answers. try not to blame others for your actions or reactions either; just as they are responsible for what they do and say, we are responsible for what we do and say in kind or in reply.

Ask:
- did I do anything that could have contributed to the deterioration of this relationship? if so, how could I have approached things in a more constructive manner? think about your actions, not just your words. are they contradictory?

- did he do some things that were destructive to this relationship, and do I feel that these are things that can-- and will-- be addressed, perhaps if we approach them properly? think about his actions, not just his words. are they contradictory?

- if we do get back together, will we be better people for it? will we grow? or will we just tear each other down some more, and really just be a drag on each others' lives?

don't expect to come to a conclusion that afternoon, but atleast these are good thoughts to keep in your head-- just some good stable points to focus on-- while everything else is so tumultuous.

this is some pretty mature heavy relationship analysis-- and you sound young, so it'll be f*ckin tough-- but it's a good way to really see through the cloud of emotions, hormones, memories, tears, etc. and come to a conclusion that, in the end, will be the best for both of you.

try to rid yourself of any desires to "get revenge" or "show him whatz up" or whatever, because that's just destructive and it only leads to more cycles of the same from him back to you, and so on.

you might eventually decide that it's best to just be friends. in order to do this, you will definitely need to not be around each other for a long time (6 months seems to be about the average), until the feelings you have for him, and the feelings he has for you have faded, and you can be civil with each other again.

both you and he will have a very strong desire to leap into another relationship because of the thoughts of being alone will be terrifying and heart-wrenching. be careful with that because chances are that if you rush headlong into another relationship, you'll be even less compatible with the new person, since you would have taken less time to get to know them and see if they're you're type. granted, it sure as heck feels better than being alone-- but learn to be happy alone. it's called self-sufficiency, and you'll need to call on that inner strength many many more times in life, so you might as well work that muscle now.

if you decide to try to work things out (and mind you, he might decide otherwise), try to stay focused on the questions "Are we better off together? Are we growing as people? Or are we just dragging each other down, and being in this relationship hurts other parts of our lives?"

note: your desires for intimacy and his desires for sex will throw all of the above out-of-whack. try to see clearly through all that. the sooner you master the ability to make frank and honest assesments of yourself, your partner, and the relationship you have together, the sooner you will be able to recognise when you're in a good relationship -vs- a bad one.

good luck.


NOTE: even as I read this and know it to be true, I have found it daaaaaaaaamn hard to live by my own advice! omg, I could tell you stories of my recent relationships and the emotional rollercoaster I've been on (and that I put myself on, frankly)... so don't beat yourself up too much if you "slip" or whatever, we're all only human.

 

Julie, Julie, Julie: Drop him like a disease. He's only in it for the sex. I seriously doubt that he even perceives you as a human. That relationship is going nowhere. Find a man that can appreciate you and is mature enough to give back in the relationship. You should feel safe, warm and cozy with someone you are intimate with. Write it off as experience and kick him to the curb. Do not sleep with him again and he may gain some respect for you. Try it and see.

 

Its a tough one thats for sure. I dont like giving advice when I only know one side of the story.
If you do not want to be with this guy (You already know the answer to that question) then talk with him in a week. Thank him for the good times and all of the great memories. Tell him you are sorry things did not work out and that you hope he finds someone who will make him happy.
If you want to be friends, then you can toss that in too but from what you have told us I would not recomend it.

 

end it.

 

Hehehehe....Thanks for the input. We've tryed to be friends but it seems to not work, I honestly think its because he still kiss and hug, and still act like we're together. I had a bunch of friends come to me and tell me the best way to get over him is to stop "giving in". But omg, when he sweet talks me he does a very good job!!!
He's a really great guy, i'm not trying to make him out to be this bastard, its just that I don't think he has a clue of how much I was in love with him......I want to be friends with him but not "Friends with benefits"
Thanks!
** Oh I didn't realize I made that comment, Sorry.. **
~*~Julie~*~

 

I think what's making it hurt some much is the situation you're in. You guys are NOT together yet you act like it. That's bad. There will be nights were you are in his arms and you feel like you don't have a care in the world, then there are other nights were you guys won't even talk. You're setting yourself up for an emotional roller coaster. When you guys are getting along you self consciously think you're together but you're not. So when the days come around that you aren

 

Is this the same ex you were asking for gift suggestions for?

Looks like you've gotten some good advice. Hopefully it will all work itself out.

Good luck.

<------"jmc1971" (aka Julie)