Thought it was pretty funny...

THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.

-------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.

################################################## ##

Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

************************************************** ******************************

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++

I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.

================================================== ===

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

So your daughter's a hooker,

and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay.

 

Nice ;p

 

very good

 

LOL good stuff!

 

worth at least one bump.

 

Good stuff!!

-Alan

 

Funny stuff