To: All Concerned
From: Santa Claus

Effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve the Southern
portion of the United States on Christmas Eve. Due to
earth's current overwhelming population my contract has been
renegotiated.

Rest assured, southern children will be in good hands with your local
replacement--Boudreaux Claus--who happens to be my
third cousin. (the Boudreaux side of the family is from the South Pole.)
My cousin shares my goal of delivering toys to good boys and girls;
however, there are a few differences between us.

Please note:

1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Boudreaux
Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper
sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Boudreaux Claus prefers Dr. Pepper and boudain to milk and cookies
and he doesn't smoke a pipe. He does dip a little snuff
though, so please have a Dixie Cup with a folded towel in the bottom
handy.

3. Boudreaux Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
instead of reindeer. I once made the mistake of
loaning him a couple of my reindeer; Blitzen's head now overlooks
Boudreaux' fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen" from
Boudreaux Claus. Instead you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on
Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Pooyai!"

8. And finally, Boudreaux Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you,
I'd make sure your wife and kids turn the other way when he
bends over to put presents under the tree.

Sincerely yours,
Santa Claus
Member of North American Fairies and Elves Union --
local # 1225

 

This was so 2 days ago!! See you tonight at Woodrows!

Mark