"Isn't 'erotica' an African holiday?"

-A friend's daughter

 

Two girls looking over the floor choices in the elevator at my hospital:
"What's the 'M' stand for?"
"M'ergency, stupid."

Girlfriend of old roomate upon learning that her cousin was joining the army, specifically the infantry:
"I didn't know John liked kids..."

 

haha this thread is great

too bad i have a bad memory when it comes to quoting people

 

ooh i have one
" what kinda car is that"

 

Overheard by comedian Lewis Black...."If it were'nt for my horse, I would not have spent that year in college."

He said if you think about that too much, blood will shoot out of your eye.

 

"to be the Best, you must beat me first"

 

One of the most famous dumb quotes:

It depends on what the definition of is, is.

Bill Clinton

Many years ago on a date with a super hottie we where driving down the freeway at about midnight. We were meeting a long line of cars and of course since it was the middle of the night they all had their headlights on. Knowing she wasn't nearly as smart as she was good looking I asked her a really stupid question just to see what she would say.

Me: Look at that long line of cars. They all have their lights on, do you think it's a Funeral procession?

Her: They DO have the lights on, it's got to be a funeral or they wouldn't have them on, ----- would they? She was dead serious.

My wife is well over 6 inches taller than me. People often ask her, "Do you know you're taller than him?"

 

guy trying to argue cars with me and i mention liters with displacement, "liters dont matter we are talking about cubic centimeters"

 

"....it's always in the last place you look...."

Of course it would be in the last place you look....you wouldn't keep looking after you've found it, now would you?

 

CLASSIC!