post you most embarassing moments!!
I found this over on clubrsx btw.
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Joined: Feb 2003
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From: kuwait
this happened yesterday! and it was holy imbaresking!!
i was shopping with my sis, and i saw a gilr with a very good looking body fixing her hair infront of the mirror....(she also had beautiful hair!)
i was staring for like 5 seconds, till she turned around and saw that she was a 45 year old woman with a good body and cool hair...her face was horrible!! all swollen up, and she has a super fake tan that looked disgusting!
so i turned to my sis and tell her : this woman has the body of JLO and the face of an old horse!
to my surprize....the lady started staring at me...at first i thought:what was her problem??
only to realize that she overheard what i just said about her to my sis!!
i said sorry in the faintest voice
she came over to me and said...:if i wasnt as big as your mom, and if you wernt as old as my son, i would have been very upset about this!!
i said sorry once more....i had this stupid smirk on me the whole time and i was red all over!
i couldnt stop feeling guilty yesterday the whole time!!!
i was shopping with my sis, and i saw a gilr with a very good looking body fixing her hair infront of the mirror....(she also had beautiful hair!)
i was staring for like 5 seconds, till she turned around and saw that she was a 45 year old woman with a good body and cool hair...her face was horrible!! all swollen up, and she has a super fake tan that looked disgusting!
so i turned to my sis and tell her : this woman has the body of JLO and the face of an old horse!
to my surprize....the lady started staring at me...at first i thought:what was her problem??
only to realize that she overheard what i just said about her to my sis!!
i said sorry in the faintest voice
she came over to me and said...:if i wasnt as big as your mom, and if you wernt as old as my son, i would have been very upset about this!!
i said sorry once more....i had this stupid smirk on me the whole time and i was red all over!
i couldnt stop feeling guilty yesterday the whole time!!!
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 3,962
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From: San Fernando Valley, CA
The Dutch Elevator:
Ages ago I was a motorcycle courier working in Los Angeles. I stopped off at a Mexican place for these awesome burritos, and a few hours later, I had nasty gas.
I was making a delivery in Century City, holding my butt cheeks together as tight as I could to keep from releasing it into the customer's office. I bailed as fast as I could and managed to get an express elevator... alone. The express served floors 25 and up, and I just passed 25 so I have about a minute to myself and I let 'er rip.
The stink was unbelievable. I mean "gag a maggot" stink. I literally could not force myself to breathe and my eyes were watering like there was pepper spray in the air.
The elevator hit the ground floor, and holding my breath, I quickly exited. In front of me was a crowd of at least 15-20 people shoved their way past me into the elevator. Walking away, I glanced over my shoulder to see this 20-something woman, attractive, standing in the middle of the door, facing out. As the doors close on her, her face grimaces... and they are trapped for the next minute or so as they climb up to the 25th floor.
Ages ago I was a motorcycle courier working in Los Angeles. I stopped off at a Mexican place for these awesome burritos, and a few hours later, I had nasty gas.
I was making a delivery in Century City, holding my butt cheeks together as tight as I could to keep from releasing it into the customer's office. I bailed as fast as I could and managed to get an express elevator... alone. The express served floors 25 and up, and I just passed 25 so I have about a minute to myself and I let 'er rip.
The stink was unbelievable. I mean "gag a maggot" stink. I literally could not force myself to breathe and my eyes were watering like there was pepper spray in the air.
The elevator hit the ground floor, and holding my breath, I quickly exited. In front of me was a crowd of at least 15-20 people shoved their way past me into the elevator. Walking away, I glanced over my shoulder to see this 20-something woman, attractive, standing in the middle of the door, facing out. As the doors close on her, her face grimaces... and they are trapped for the next minute or so as they climb up to the 25th floor.
thats just wrong
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,903
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From: Bellevue
In high school my work paid for a gym membership at this place that seemed to be more of a fashion show than an excersize facility.
My co-workers, one a competition body builder and the other a rabid health freak, decided to teach me the ways since I was a scrawny little dude (and they probably felt sorry for me). I thought this would be a good opportunity to get out a little more and do something productive, and figured they were popular guys at the gym so it would be easy for me to get to know other people.
Well I was right. The first day I showed up and met them they had me go through some simple work-out techniques, and met the other body builders my co-workers knew. These were extremely huge guys! I mean these guys made leapard print look manly! And they knew everyone that walked through the door.
So, I am trying to do everything right and not look so gangly and awkward while the guys BS'd around me. I was on this decline sit-up bench doing a set and a huge female body builder walked up to the group and started flirting.
I felt this wall of muscleheads around me and was trying my damnest to keep concentrating on the task at hand. Everyone else is in some sort of conversation and I was nearing my last repetitions and quickly growing tired. When all of a sudden I squeezed out the LOUDEST fart I have ever done in my life!!
Usually I am a silent tooter, but life has a way of being cruel and this was a prime example. Everyone around stopped what they were doing and looked at me. I kept staring straight ahead and didn't know what to do. My face became redder than it already was and I could only start finishing my set. It took a second from the others to figure out what happened and they all started laughing their arses off!
I remember everyone laughing and heard the comment, "Man... right in front of a girl!" Well, needless to say it kind of helped me "break the ice" with the guys cause they all said they fart whenever they work out, too. Especially during squats.
My co-workers, one a competition body builder and the other a rabid health freak, decided to teach me the ways since I was a scrawny little dude (and they probably felt sorry for me). I thought this would be a good opportunity to get out a little more and do something productive, and figured they were popular guys at the gym so it would be easy for me to get to know other people.
Well I was right. The first day I showed up and met them they had me go through some simple work-out techniques, and met the other body builders my co-workers knew. These were extremely huge guys! I mean these guys made leapard print look manly! And they knew everyone that walked through the door.
So, I am trying to do everything right and not look so gangly and awkward while the guys BS'd around me. I was on this decline sit-up bench doing a set and a huge female body builder walked up to the group and started flirting.
I felt this wall of muscleheads around me and was trying my damnest to keep concentrating on the task at hand. Everyone else is in some sort of conversation and I was nearing my last repetitions and quickly growing tired. When all of a sudden I squeezed out the LOUDEST fart I have ever done in my life!!
Usually I am a silent tooter, but life has a way of being cruel and this was a prime example. Everyone around stopped what they were doing and looked at me. I kept staring straight ahead and didn't know what to do. My face became redder than it already was and I could only start finishing my set. It took a second from the others to figure out what happened and they all started laughing their arses off!
I remember everyone laughing and heard the comment, "Man... right in front of a girl!" Well, needless to say it kind of helped me "break the ice" with the guys cause they all said they fart whenever they work out, too. Especially during squats.
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 3,962
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From: San Fernando Valley, CA
I got lots of fart stories:
Another farting incident I recall happening in a local 7-Eleven.
I was tail end in the line, with my (future) wife, and I let out a silent one. It made up for the quiet with a putrid stench.
These two totally HOT babes get in line behind me, and by now the smell was pretty much covering the whole counter area. Since no one heard it, no one could get blamed and everyone was following the rule that states that the first person to bitch about it, was probably responsible for it. The two women were quietly discussing who in line might have crapped their pants.
My fiancee, who already was aware of my many smells, turned and glared at me. That was too much for me to hold back and I turned beet red and started fighting back a laugh. That gave it away, and now everyone knew who "dealt it".
Another:
Back in the late 80's I was in the USMCR and we were getting MOPP suit training. A MOPP suit is the chemical warfare charcoal suit that combat troops wear along with rubber gloves, boots, and a gas mask.
We were all decked out and standing in line to go into the gas chamber. I ripped a loud one and the guy behind me jumped on me and started beating on me 'cause he claimed (rightfully so) my farts stink. I told him to back off and look at what we were wearing... he sheepishly said "oh yeah", and we got back into line.
Another:
One thing my three year old daughter says loudly every time someone within earshot farts (or she does): BUTTBUBBLES!!!
And finally:
One of our most memorable events was when my future wife visited my parents for the first time and was so nervous she let out a high-pitched squeaker while sitting on a wooden chair. The room went dead silent then everyone immediately blamed me, until she turned all red and apologized. The family all proclaimed her a "keeper" at that point and that was that.
Another farting incident I recall happening in a local 7-Eleven.
I was tail end in the line, with my (future) wife, and I let out a silent one. It made up for the quiet with a putrid stench.
These two totally HOT babes get in line behind me, and by now the smell was pretty much covering the whole counter area. Since no one heard it, no one could get blamed and everyone was following the rule that states that the first person to bitch about it, was probably responsible for it. The two women were quietly discussing who in line might have crapped their pants.
My fiancee, who already was aware of my many smells, turned and glared at me. That was too much for me to hold back and I turned beet red and started fighting back a laugh. That gave it away, and now everyone knew who "dealt it".
Another:
Back in the late 80's I was in the USMCR and we were getting MOPP suit training. A MOPP suit is the chemical warfare charcoal suit that combat troops wear along with rubber gloves, boots, and a gas mask.
We were all decked out and standing in line to go into the gas chamber. I ripped a loud one and the guy behind me jumped on me and started beating on me 'cause he claimed (rightfully so) my farts stink. I told him to back off and look at what we were wearing... he sheepishly said "oh yeah", and we got back into line.
Another:
One thing my three year old daughter says loudly every time someone within earshot farts (or she does): BUTTBUBBLES!!!
And finally:
One of our most memorable events was when my future wife visited my parents for the first time and was so nervous she let out a high-pitched squeaker while sitting on a wooden chair. The room went dead silent then everyone immediately blamed me, until she turned all red and apologized. The family all proclaimed her a "keeper" at that point and that was that.