I actually have these two pinned to the wall at work:

"A wise man knows everything. A shrewd one, everybody."

and

"You are the master of every situation."

 

I was moving, so I packed all my stuff into one truck, locked it, and my friends and I went to get Chinese for dinner before driving and unpacking the next morning.

The fortune I got - "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

You can imagine I was nervous until I got my stuff unpacked!

 

Don't forget to add "Between the sheets" to the end of each fortune.

 

I got a good one last week: "God will give you everything you want".

 

My favorite one to date :

"You like Chinese food" LOL I started laughing out loud in the resterant.

 

" This isn't your fortune, you picked up someone else's cookie..."

friggin weirdos..

 

My standard joke:
"Help, I'm being held captive in a Chinese fortune cookie factory."

 

"Prepare to be sodomized."
I don't know why they write that stuff.

 

"Your TV will be trouble free for years to come"

I mean come on!

 

"* in bed"