hey all...last year my dad died. he was living with his girlfriend of around 5 or 6 years.. anyway...there was not much to the estate so we did not higher a lawyer. many of the things in their house were his. at the time, i did not want to take the stuff out because it seemed like a douche thing to do, especially during her grieving. now, as the conversations between her and i become less frequent, its time to get some items back...for instance.

his entire tool collection..table saws, drills, chainsaws, tool chest with crap..yada yada yada
a really nice knife set
some collectibles - antique houses, glass jars

ok...well those things are nice and all but...there are also some paintings that are valuable and have been in my family for some time...also some antique furniture.

she has stated that when i want the things...(never exactly specified what)...it would be no problem to get them...but other times..with the knife set for example..she mentions how she needs them since she has no knives....or for instance he collected dickens houses and has multiples of each...she mentioned how she wanted some...but she really has no right.

it has been an amiable, if somewhat awkward, relationship between the two of us. i dont want her to feel i am pillaging the house, but i want his stuff back.

further more, she had a male visitor last time i somewhat unexpectedly stopped by..most def. a romantic visit

need advice...im not trying to be a dick here and im really mixed up on how to do this

rip

 

You need to set down with her face to face and come to some sort of an agreement on what she wants to keep and what belongs to your family.
This can get kinda complicated, as your father lived with her. But be nice and dont get upset. Tell her how you feel, and what his things mean to you.

 

I too am not trying to be a dick. If they had been living together for a few years it would likely be the same as a common law marriage, at least in the eyes of the law. The fact that she's moved on and is seeing other men now legally makes no difference.

I agree that things that had been in the family for years should be yours but as you said it really is a precarious situation. Did he leave any will at all? I would just tell her what you would like to have and try not to fight her over anything that's not VERY important to you.

BTW, we are going through the same thing. My Father in Law died last year and his girlfriend had several thousand dollars that he had given her to book a two month trip he had planned for them. She told us she would return the money at once several times. We've never seen a penny of it and really don't expect too.

I wish you luck.

 

check into the time requirement on the common law marriage in your state and if their relationship did not exceed that time get your family items and give her the boot.

 

If they werent married then technically she's not entitled to anything..
You are his son, you've known him for 60+years right?, she's known him for 6? You are much more rightfully entitled to his belongings then she.

But yes I agree, one day you just have to man up, brush off the extreme awkwardness and retrieve your stuff, otherwise you'll regret it bigtime
good luck you sound like a good guy

ps-your dad looked like a cool dude

 

That's not true anymore.

Living together confers some rights. It may even constitute a Common Law marriage.

 

^ whoa i didnt know that....that sux
maybe bloods not thicker than water nowadays

maybe I should get a prenup with my gf haha

 

in new jersey there is no common law...or at least i am positive it does not apply in our situation. she kept the house because of the way it was titled...but everything else *is* mine so to speak...i imagine i will end up going over and just telling her i feel bad about it but...

 

It will definitely be awkward, but obviously it is a good idea to speak with her about it. The more time goes by, the more likely she'll feel entitled to the things you may want. Like a previous poster said, explain to her what is important to you and why. She'll likely respond better. Good luck and sorry about your loss.

 

go to the house

say you are here to settle up

get the family items and whatever else you deem to be your father's legacy to you and the family.

give here the duplicates of the collectible houses and the knife set

be amicable and be fair. I dont think the knife set has much "family" rememberance value. The duplicates of the collectibles would be a nice thing to give to her...who collected the houses and for how long?

The tools, and other stuff that were undoubtedly his, should be returned to the family. She should have the presence of mind to understand this....

If they were together long enough to constitute a common law marriage you may have legal issues if things go sour so do the best to work it out as amicably and as soon as possible.

Just get it done before too much more time passes