Two male silk worms wanted the affections of a beautiful female silk worm. She said that she wanted which ever one could win a race.

So the two silk worms started racing across to the finish line.

However ... they ended up in a tie!

 

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these Blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to Show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to Paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of Paint.
He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the Floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a Leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK.

She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she Wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she Wanted to do it, by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a
parka over Her Leather jacket. She replied that she was reading the
directions on the Paint can and it said .........

















"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS"

 

man you messed that one up. It's a bad joke, but not THAT bad

 

What do they give every Tickle Me Elmo before it leaves the factory?


Two Test Tickles.

 

Did you hear the one about the three holes in the ground?




Well, well, well....

 

A lion tamer is walking a lion around downtown New York when he gets a call on his cell phone from the big cat's owner. The owner is on the observation deck of the Empire State Building, and wants the tamer to bring the lion up so it can see the city.

On the ride up in the elevator, the animal becomes frightened, and attacks the tamer, mauling him severely.

When they get off, the owner says to the tamer: "Boy, you look awful!"

The tamer replies: "I'll tell you one thing, chief, I'm not taking this lion down!"

 

A pony was giving a speech in a lecture hall. A man in the back told him to speak up because he couldn't hear.

The pony replied: "You'll have to excuse me, I'm a little horse".

 

Smitty was a heating and cooling technician. His assistant was a small chimpanzee he had trained to do all the duct work. The chimp had no fear of heights or confined spaces, and besides, he didn't have to be paid.

One day, Smitty got a call from a customer who said his air conditioner had broken down. Smitty went over and discovered some defective ducting. The customer asked if it would be hard to fix.

"No problem," replied Smitty, "I have a little duct ape that will take care of it!"

 

Captain Kidd and his crew were on the high seas when they were attacked by Blackbeard, their arch enemy.

The first shot by Blackbeard's gunners took off Kidd's forward mast. The second shot splintered the center mast, and the third desintegrated the rear mast.

Panic stricken, one of Kidd's men asked what they should do.

"We have no choice but to surrender", replied the pirate, "He's using weapons of mast destruction!"

 

The police answered a call from the local convent about a strange object circling overhead. When the officer arrived, he asked the Mother Superior what kind of object it was. "I can't say", she replied, "but sister Elizabeth says she knows exactly what it was, do you want to speak with her?"

"That's ok", said the policeman, "I'll just put it down as a nun-identified flying object."