A man's wife called him during his lunch and told him she was leaving him, then his boss called him into his office and told him he was fired.

The man packed up his belongings and headed out, choosing to walk around since he had no place to go, and he noticed a sign for a bar on the 50th floor of the Empire State Building.

Never noticing this bar before, he went in to console himself with drink. Inside he found the bar empty except for a bartender and one other lonesome drinker.

The man sat down and ordered his first drink. The other man in the bar ordered three shots, drank them and then jumped out a window.

Shocked, the man who was fired almost fell out of his seat, but before he could say anything, the man who jumped out the window rose up and floated back inside, and sat back down at the bar.

The first man sipped his drink in shock, only to witness the other patron order another three shots and jump out the window again, and again float back inside.

Amazed after seeing this twice, the first man got up and asked the jumper how he survived.

"That's a special window there" the man replied. "If you jump, the wind will lift you safely back inside the bar, its a great rush, and you look like you could use a pick me up. Why don't you try it?"

Hearing that, and after having such a bad day, the first man promptly finished his drink and leapt out the window.

He fell a full fifty stories and died on impact.

The bartender looked at his sole patron and spoke for the first time. "You sure are a real a--hole when you're drunk, Superman."

 

The police found and arrested two young people the other day. One was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one ... and let the other one off.

 

The carnival was in town at Nottingham, so Robin Hood told the boys they could go in and have some fun.

There were lots of games and at one booth, you could win a prize by hitting a ten cent silver coin with a lance thrown from twenty paces.

As Friar Tuck was passing the booth, the guy running the game called out to him: "Hey,Brother, can you spear a dime?"

 

One ink spot walked up to another ink spot and said "why are you crying?"

The other ink spot replied "because my dad is in the pen and I don't know how long the sentence will be!"

 

What do you call a mexican with a rubber toe?





Roberto

 

What does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella for?






For drizzle.

 

Well...I have a rabbit story.not a joke but...

My car was acting kinda funny one day.when i started the car the RPM's started acting a little crazy( was a little eratic).I popped my hood and found a big ass rabbit kicking it inside.thought it was dead and poked it with a screwdriver to make sure and that fool just jumped out.(rabbit chewed on some wiring.guess he was hungry)

 

Have you heard of the new cereal for impotent men?

Its called...................

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Nut n raisen Honey.

 

 

Ten Thousand years ago the first humans came to North America by crossing over from Russia to Alaska. They hadn't actually intended to do this. They got lost and couldn't get their Berings Strait.