I spilled a glass of red wine on my tan sofa and carpet. Resolve carpet cleaner took care of it. Can't even tell it was ever there.

 

[QUOTE]Originally posted by MyBad
[B]I'm in serious trouble...JAGlady was asleep after a long hard day and Boner was curled up in my lap...I glanced over at it only to see that it WAS leaning...Panicking, I grabbed for the it. My judgement of distance was a little off and I hit it knocking it in the air. Not wanting it to land on the glass table and surely waking up JAGlady, I grabbed at it again and knocked it across the room.

The good news is that fell on the carpet and didn't wake up JAGlady. The bad news is it's EVERYWHERE!!

 

Gasoline, lots of it. It'll remove anything. Be careful with matches.

 

Douse it with water, then put a TON of salt on it (yes, common table salt). Rub the salt in a little (don't scrub), then mop it up. I got a LOT of red wine out of white carpet this way not too long ago, and there is still no trace of it now, 8 or 9 months later!

 

Well, thanks for all the help guys! I obviously survived and my voice hasn't changed.

It was close though. Boner had wine all over him! You ever smelled a wet dog? It's nothing compared to a wine covered dog! And sure enough, Boner did what all wet dogs do, they SHAKE!

This was a job for super strong Brawney towels. I went to the kitchen and got 3 or 4....rolls, and went back to the bedroom. JAGlady was still sleeping. "GOOD", I thought! "I might just get away with this."

I started blotting up the mess drop by drop when I noticed that there must have been twenty drops of wine on the bottom of the coffee table that were ready to fall. At the same time, Boner started sneezing! With my left hand I grabbed Boner and with my right hand I reached over to the table with a handful of paper towels.

Playing Twister was never my forte' and sure enough, I lost my balance and fell against the bed. OH SH*T!!!
Jaglady stirred but there was no sign of consciousness.

I got Boner calmed down and proceeded to clean up a thousand drops of wine. I had been on my hands and knees for several minutes, squinting to find all of the drops, when suddenly I was aware of someone behind me. JAGlady!!!

I slowly turned around and looked up, my eyes reluctantly meeting hers, her glare cutting right through me. Boner let out a yelp and ran under the bed. I thought "Well the worst that can happen is that she'll let me live and I'll go through the rest of my life as a Eunich!" But much to my amazement, she just stood there. No flashing of knife blades in the dark. No fire coming out of her eyes. Nothing! Finally, as my testicles started to descend, she slowly raised her hand. She was holding an object that I didn't recognize at first. As my fear induced blindness subsided, I recognized the object as......a can of carpet cleaner. I took the can from her as she let out a long sigh and went back to bed.

?????

I couldn't believe it. Reprieve!

I suspected that I'd suffer more severely when she awoke this morning, but I've made it through the whole day with her being extremely pleasant. SCARY!!

Then again, maybe she decided to give me a break since I spent five hours washing and waxing her car Sunday.

It never hurts to have extra Brownie Points in the bank! It's a shame I had to burn them up like this!!

Lesson learned: Drink Scotch and don't shake your Boner dry!

 

Why are you so scaried of your wife. At first I though you were just joking around. But I now see you really are afraid of your wife. What the hell is wrong with you!?!

 

Wow, what a stupid question!!!! I assume from that you are not married ace

 

JESUS CHRIST!

This whole thread had me laughing so hard I was crying! A dog named Boner, holy crap that's hilarious on so many levels!

- Warren

 

this is soooo funny.....


which brings us the big question of the night.....

If we don't know why we have to be afraid of our wife, because we aren't married.. what is the point of getting married?

Why should be we afraid of them?