After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal*Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart...

Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1) June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2) July 2:Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3) July 7:Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4) July 19:Walke d up to an employee and told her in an official voice, </ SPAN> 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5) August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6) August 14:Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7) August 15:Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8) August 23:When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone!?'

9) September 4:Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10) September 10:While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11) October 3arted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12) October 6:In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13) October 18:Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through the clothes, he whispered 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14) October 21:When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least

15) October 23:Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

 

my local walmart just got a new greeter. I don't go in much anymore

 

 

lol at the picture

 

Old joke...

 

i ****ing hate wal-mart!!!

 

Let me tell you my WalMart story:

ok i have an 01 with less than 35,*** miles, it previously had no mechanical problems at ALL. it was a beautiful car all around. i started to run wal-marts premium in my car thinking i was only saving money, then one day half way through filling up my car the station attendant walked out of the booth to let me in on a "little ****ing secret" he showed me the pumps four dials (they look like an annolog odometer on a car) that are located around the final gallons/price digital screens, they are lined up in a horizontal fashion and he said that how ever many dials are turning over is how many tanks that pump is pulling gas from, he then proceded to tell me that they didn't have premium and to just pay for the mid grade because the premium was the same thing at the time, meaning there was 2 out of 4 dials that were not blank like the other 2 dials so the regular and the mid were the only options they had but no one taped a sign or anything on the premium button for a good two weeks, that was almost 2,600 miles that i put on my car in that time on walmarts awesome gas(i know its alot of miles, i worked at a valvoline express care so i had syn power 5-30 changed every 3k and i started to use the walmart gas about 200 miles in to the most recent oil change and stopped when i heard the ticking start about 200 miles from the next oil change. i noticed a half quart of oil was burning off every 500 miles, and it didn't burn shit before wal-marts **** up). ok i figured this jackass didn't know wtf he was talking about considering wal-mart would have a pretty big problem on thier hands if it was true because its false advertising at least, so i kept buying my gas at walmart and i kept all the receipts (lol wal-marts ****ed if i can prove the gas did it) they ALL say premium and if the honda dealership can confirm my noisy ass valves in a motor with less than 36,*** miles was caused by a good 4-5 full tanks of wal-marts gas then im going to hit them hard and see if i can't get them to pay for a lowered comression kit, im thinking 9:1 or 8:1 and run like 15psi lol all on wal-marts dime also i just bought the car and i know how to drive it just fine, i have been driving since i got my first full time job at 14 working at an auto detail shop driving a beast z06 c6, and just about every other standard car on the road and moving cars in and out of a 60'x120' four bay garrage isn't easy when they are standards that your not used to. so it wasn't my poor driving that caused the problem and the prior owner was a marine who didn't drive it much but had the oil changed regularly and kept a record of all work done to the car and carfax is clean and he is the original owner and will vouch the car did not make any noise under the hood.... let alone a tick loud enough to hear it clearly at 3k on the tach with the hard top on. just thought i would try and save my fellow s2k owners some trouble, but the good news is a valve allignment at the gunn honda dealership here in sa tx is like 97 dollars and with an appointment should take them 4 hours from drop off to pick up. now i just need to pray that is the only damage done, im not sure if cheap gas can do anything else to the motor? thats the main reason i posted this. i appreciate all comments and help, i am 17 and i pay for the entire car myself, 2500 for 6 months of full coverage and i paid the car off in cash baby so i feel like i got ****ed by wal-mart and i don't know where to start to get re-emberssed for my losses. sorry for the pointless info thrown in here and there i am still tired and i am rushing to make it to work on time.

 

Wow, sorry to hear about your trouble. Honestly though, I don't think the gas is at fault as our cars can run 91 without a problem.

 

zdave is only 17

 

cliffs?