have you guys ever heard that Dane Cook bit about the guy that everyone has at work that is "SHAPES." haha... i hope there's some Dane-Train fans on here.

anywho, this is the official "Weird Person at My Work" thread.

the weird guy at my work has black velcro orthopedic shoes. he went on vacation one week and i had to cover his desk. which meant sitting at his work station every now and then to answer e-mails and check his faxes. this guy has a post-it note "matrix" above his desk with cryptic little reminders to: "line trash parallell to file," "black pens, blue pens, red pens, felt tip pens," "hang up headset," "ads on hold," "staples?" etc... this one time he came to MY desk to ask me a question and i had a bottle of juice sitting there without a cap on it. the dude knocks my juice over and spills juice all over my papers and keyboard. for some reason i say "sorry" as he runs off. i'm assuming he's running off to get paper towels but he comes back with ONE paper towel, which he's using to wipe juice off his velcro shoes. i look at him for a second like: "where's the paper towels?" and he doesn't get it, so i get up and get paper towels. i come back and he's standing there waiting for me, still hasn't made any effort to wipe up the mess he's just made at my desk and then he has the nerve to say "that's exactly why it's company policy to have caps on beverages at all times, especially at work stations." the guy never once apologizes and i still have wrinkly purple papers and my keyboard is still sticky in certain places.

this other time i was faxing some stuff out to a couple different clients. i had just gotten done with the first when Velcro Shoes comes along all frantic and says "can i get in here!? i need to get in here..." being the nice girl i am i let him get ahead of me assuming he just has to make one copy real quick or something. he ends up spending at least 5 minutes ****ing around with the fax machine doing whatever while i stand behind him in disbelief with my ONE fax. i ended up walking to another department to use their fax machine and when i come back he's still making photocopies of his Magic the Gathering Convention flyer, or whatever the **** he was doing... the guy drives me up the wall.

 

+ he smells like my grandma's basement. *shudders.*

 

he has a crush on you obviously.

 

i'm pretty sure he's asexual.

 

You're being insensitive to his needs.

 

that's what you think. He probably has a shrine at home with your pictures (cell cam) all over the wall.

 

+1 here....

does he have a red stapler?

 

btw... I'd rearrange all those post-its... see what happens )

 

We've had a few.

We had a Russian guy who wore the strangest outfits, brought the stinkiest lunches ever to the office, and liked to play pocket pool while taking to female employees.
The weirdest thing he did was place a sheet music stand on his desk. It was extended so that it was way above his head when he sat down, and it held foil-covered cardboard panels to deflect the radiation from the flourescent light fixtures.

We still have one strange dude. Single, mid-forties, snaggle teeth, dresses like a K-Mart bargain-bin, showers once a week whether he needs it or not, and makes this strange slurping noise through his teeth as he walks around. You can hear and smell him before you see him.
He also has a crush on a friend of mine here at work, and is forever stalking her and emailing her. His only option is a mail-order bride, but he hasn't figured that out yet.

 

Weird people at work -

I have people who take big stinky nasty shits and can't figure out how to turn the fan on or spray something. One guy even advertises he is on his way to take a shit but carrying the newspaper with him, or stopping in offices asking for something to read.

We have lots of blue collar guys here, so apparently showers are not a daily thing. By friday the hair is pretty shiny and about 3 shades darker than Monday. I am not sure how they can stand all that grease on their bodies.

We have a maint. guy who lets at least 4" of his ass crack show. It is really nasty. I always grab a few office ladies when I see it coming and try to show them.