I

 

I do not mean to be rude in anyway but if you use protection 99.9 percent of the time you either have superman sperm, or the kid ain't yours.

 

Hmm...

I think you're best splitting up. Your history isn't that great, and her blowing you off for some friends is a shitty thing to do. If she cared about the time she invested in the relationship then she would of told her friends to pound some sand in order to set things straight with you.

About the child. It's ultimately her decision. I personally would think allowing the child to grow up in foster care would be better then never being born at all. Hopefully you two work that part out at least.

Good luck in whatever you do. It's hard to let someone go after they've become a real close part of your life like that.

Oh PS - I agree with the gentlemen above me. Any possibility the child is not yours?

 

She was on birth control the first time, but the doctor wasn't clear in the instructions on how/when to start the pills, and she got sick from them

 

2 years is a pretty solid time span, and it's tough to let someone go that you've grown close to. But judging by what you've wrote, i'd say splitting up would be the better choice, IMO.

 

Normally, I'd berate you to death. I mean, that's my normal M.O. (for those of you who keep up with this neck of the woods).

However, you don't need me to yell at you. You just need some pragmatic support and advice.

First off, you've tried to keep your nose clean. I applaud your efforts, but this has no bearing on a woman who clearly wants something different. I could go into what I think is wrong with her, but that's moot to the advice you need.

Next, try reasonably within your power to get the abortion. This isn't about you, this isn't about her, and you're both old enough to know now that your parents have no say in this either. The fact is, you're going to be paying for this child for the next 18 years of your life . . . and that's just the financial end.

You will have to maintain contact with this woman for the next 18 years of your life because of the child. Just based on the relationship you two have been having, something tells me that you REALLY don't want this.

Your child will always be in the middle of you two. Do you really want your child to go through that? Let's put it this way, while there are plenty of well-adjusted kids of single parents, is that really what all parties involved wanted right off the bat?

Lastly, these are modern days. If she got pregnant, it's because she, or both of you wanted her to get pregnant. I don't think it was you. So, why did she let herself get pregnant? Frankly, Unkie 8D would've told you to split after the first abortion (maybe I did), but now is definitely time for you to:

1. Man up to your mistake (which you have, and you have all my real support with this - don't hesitate to PM me. . . really).

2. Admit to yourself that at 6 weeks in, the ball is really in her court on the abortion, and is dicey.

2a. Admit that given that, your life is in fact, altered forever.

3. Get a lawyer. You won't know you're the father until after the child is born.

3.a She has the right to name the father of the child, regardless of whether or not you are, in fact, the biological dad. This makes you fiscally liable. So, let me say this again, get a lawyer. Your family may have a lawyer, who can then refer you to a family law specialist. You will need one.

4. Do not talk to her until you have spoken with said family lawyer.

5. Do not post anything in this forum, or any other forum, until you have spoken to said lawyer.

6. Get back to us once you've done 1-5.

7. Good Luck. Prepare for the worse, but we'll all hope for the best.

 

She doesn't act like she respects you.

If that doesn't exist in the relationship, there is no future.

She's drinking and partying while pregnant... another show of disrespect for the unborn child.

I'd say you're better off without her. I know it hurts, but cut off the gangrenous foot (her) to save the life (yours).

 

It definitely sounds like it's best if the relationship is over. Doesn't make it any easier to walk away though, because of the time you've spent together and especially because she is pregnant.

Like 8D said, hopefully you can both seriously consider whether to keep the baby or not. This will probably be a commitment long after the child has turned 18, whether it's financial or otherwise. You both need to honestly ask yourselves if you can commit to raising that child without exposing him/her to your adult conflict (and based on what you described, there would probably be plenty more conflict).

Lastly, if she's going to keep the baby, for the love of gawd, please caution her about drinking. Some of the kids on my caseload have FASD and it's something that has devastating, lifelong consequences. This is the kind of damage that cannot be undone.

Best of luck to you in a difficult situation. If you need a listening ear, PM me.

 

Agreed.

First of all, if there is even a .01% chance of you guys keeping the child, or at least having the baby and putting it up for adoption, you should backhand that bitch for getting drunk while she's pregnant.

Secondly, it sounds like she's a bit immature since you made the attempt be honest and avoid the awkwardness of hanging out with a girl who has a "massive thing" for you, and she chose to get drunk and drag you into the situation. I read into things a bit too much, but I see this as her not trusting you and wanting to test your commitment. Furthermore, some say that the one in the relationship who is always paranoid about the other cheating, is the one cheating.

 

If she is drinking and partying while preggo she most likely has already decided to abort. If you can have any say, go with the abortion. Pay for it and everything, be very supportive and when you know the fetus is done for run like hell. I am very serious.

You are 22. You might not have enough life experience and experience with opposite sex to know that when this kinda thing starts to happen there is generally no getting past it. You will always resent her for what she has put you through. Whether or not you realize it now, you will one day come to the realization that there are other girls out there, some more attractive than psycho bitch that will treat you with respect and be good to you. If you are still in this relationship when this dawns on you, you will want out. End it now and save the trouble. You have to trust us on this. Believe me when I say that a lot of us older folks have been through something similar to what you are going through right now and we all learned that it is best to walk away and start over. Don't learn this the hard way.

Saying goodbye to your first great love is a very difficult thing to do, I know it was for me. But in the end it sounds like it is the right call for you.